A
female
age
36-40,
*Lindy87
writes:this isn't about a romantic relationship, but moreso a neighborly one. I just moved into a new building. I live on the first floor and these kidsare ALWAYS out by my patio. They ask for food, gum, something to drink, etc. At first I would and now its become a daily event. I say no and they linger around for hours whining on my patio. Usually I only say no because i don't have gum but they whine for me to go buy some...so i said no. They are 8 and 10. Then I get a knock on my door and some lady asks me for a cigarette, its nine at night..I find out this is their mother. I gave her one and figured she was having a nickfit and was that desperate to knock on a strangers door for one.but no, this happened EVERY night for a week and then I started ignoring her phone calls but then she'd come to the sliding door where her kids would and be like "girl! I calledyou, ya must have missed it! you have a cigarette I can smoke?" I dont usually mind sharing but I never get privacy in my own home, I don't like giving away things all the time to people who don't respect my privacy. She too will have a cigarette and linger around for an hour at my place. I hint at her going home and she doesnt pick up on it. I guess what I'm asking is how can I justify saying no to my neighbors without becoming the building bitch?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 May 2010):
 The sooner you tell people no the sooner they will stop asking for stuff.
A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 I have a neighbour similar to this except she is elderly and doesnt respect my privacy. I got it sussed though!
Try this! If the mother asks you for a cigaret tell her that you gave up last night after she took your last one! Tell her that you would be grateful if she could rather leave you be at the moment because you are going through withdrawl symptoms and they are bad. You can smell cigarets on her and its really making you feel anxious and upset.
As far as the kids go, tell them that you saw their mother with some gum and "Ooh isnt that your mother calling you? Yeah, I think it is! It must be her calling you for lunch. Better go now!" Close the door!
My neighbour has gotten much better since I did something similar to this to her. Before, when I got home from work, if I wasnt home at the normal time, she would call me or come to my door and ask why I wasnt home at 6.45pm. I had to be harsh and tell her that the smell of her cigaret was making me ill and now she doesnt come up or call. She just watches for me coming home and waves at the window. Thats fine! I can deal with that, but being nosey and wanting to know your business, is not fine! We all deserve privacy and I dont think you are being unreasonable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): just say no you're trying to quit.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (15 May 2010):
LLindy87 is verified as being by the original poster of the question lol wow! some of you have hilarious answers!! But I thank you all for the helpful advice. I guess I just have to get creative hahaha
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 May 2010):
 Here's another one for the kiddos. Play it loud and listen like you love it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYRZOEzoOgQ
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 May 2010):
Oh, this is so easy. Classical music playing on your patio as soon as the kids show up. Preferably something really old-fashioned and BORING. As soon as the kids show up every day on the patio, wave and say, "I've got some WONDERFUL music for you to listen to! Come here and tell me what you think!" If they start to go on about the gum or whatever, say brightly, "Oh yes, I've got some somewhere but first, I need you to listen to THIS! It's only 15 minutes long and I so want you to listen. It's so lovely." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InPRlxxOpOc "Wait! I have another! Wait wait!"
Better yet, have the music blasting even before they show up. You know what time that is by now.
I want you to go to the spice department at your supermarket and buy a spice called asafoetida-- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asafoetida -- if your store doesn't have it, go online and look for Indian spice stores, and find the asafoetida. Get some in and keep a special stash of cigarettes just for this neighbor. Sprinkle some of this spice into the pack of cigarettes. When she makes a face and asks what's going on with the cigarettes, say, "I have no idea what you are talking about! They smell fine to me." You will have to be an excellent actress. Trust me.
Between the classical music and the asafoetida, you will drive these people away.
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A
female
reader, Ilovemyoreo2010 +, writes (15 May 2010):
 ugh i wouldnt put up with it i would just come out and ask her if she every feeds her kids! this is crazy. i had a friend thatt had this problem and she had kids of her own eventually she couldnt take it anymore and had to move!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 Just say no, and if people will judge you on that it's their own problem. You can't go on like this and let them walk all over you.
I think a fair no is the simplest and easiest thing to say. The kids are praying on you and your kindness, kids do that. Many kids are greedy, by nature, and don't understand what's appropriate or not. They might have even learned it from their mother.
Now, do you like this woman? Do you want to continue being her friend, or could you care less? You could politely say that you have work to do and ask her to leave. Excuse yourself with anything, even if it's just that you'd like to read a book to relax from work. Or that you are going to take a shower. Then also ask her if she could tell her children to stop asking you for things as they come by everyday.
If you want to emebrass her you could ask her if her financial situation is ok since her kids are always at your door asking for things...
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