A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:this one,i would like then men to answer me.i'm feeling extremely low right now.i did somethig horrible to my goyfriend of 2 yrs.i tested him from a fake ID i created on facebook.it turned out to be totally dumb because the profile looked obviously fake .he came to know that it's me in the 2nd message that i sent him on chat and began flirting back,in a single chat i acted like i'm a sex craving girl asking if we could have ONS and he said "u mean sex..we'll have 1000 night stands why do you ask" and this went on till i asked his no. immediately i called him and all hell broke lose.he was like "why did u call are u tired of chatting"trust issue is not the first time for us.and he is really mad at me :( i know i asked for it...he says he's lost all his faith in my trust .everything was going well between us and i ruined it .yesterday he was busy at work and i couldn't speak to him much but he kept poking my guilt .i sent him like 25 texts cried and pleaded .our relationship is on .but he says now that i anyhow dont trust him he will go around flirting .just to hurt me .in all my 25 texts i'd sent him explanations for doing it and admitting to being possessive etc.and he's lost all hopes in me .it's an LDR and would be a few days before i could meet him.my question is what can i do to make things right :( we love each other and this really shouldn't change everything.i so hate myself for this please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): sorry to say this but you can't do anything anytime soon that will make a difference. The only way I can see real forgiveness happening is if a very long time passes where he's moved on from you, you've moved on from him, and some time in the distant future you meet up and the pain has faded and you've changed into a different person and so has he. I'm talking years into the future.I'm not saying this because I think you deserve the pain (although I do think that if you're mean and disrespectful to your partner you don't deserve their loyalty and trust), but because this is just the reality of how relationships work. Once a glass is shattered into a million pieces you can't put it back together no matter how hard you try or cry. it's been forever altered into a different state of matter. This is also what happens to your relationships when you treat other people badly. once you cross a line, or cross a line one too many times, it doesn't matter how you feel afterward or what reasons you come up with to justify what you did or how many times you apologize and beg, none of that makes any difference because the damage has already been done. Things are forever altered in their mind towards you, and you can't go back in time. from there it can only get worse if you continue to wallow in a broken relationship chasing after someone who no longer feels anything good towards you.the best way forward for you is to learn from this mistake, get over him, and do better in your next relationship by not repeating the same mistakes. the more you try to chase after him, the longer you're just preventing yourself from moving on and the more torment you are subjecting yourself to.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): Long Distance Realtionships are hard, I am currently in one myself and yes it is very hard, and they require a huge amount of trust. I can understand the temptation to check up on your partner, because your not there with them and insecurities can get the better of you, but honestly without trust a long distance relationship cannot survive. I know you want to fix this, but honestly I don't think you can, it will always be in the back of his mind that you don't trust him and you will be checking up on him. You say this shouldn;t change everything, but it has because you deceived him (or attempted to) and he doesn't trust you at the moment. Maybe suggest to him that you will go and get some help for your insecurities like therapy or something. In the end though only he can know whether there is anything you can do to regain his trust. Good Luck, I hope it works out for you, and that you have learnt not to behave in this way again.
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A
female
reader, Chiamaka  +, writes (21 January 2012):
Hello dear, why don't you calm down. U've adimitted the fact that you are being possessive. Just try and see him and still explain to him. Even if he starts flirting, just try to still show love and remain faithful
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): i'm making him a" sowie honey " card and planning to send it on post .i dunno what to really do .i've hardened his heart with what i did.and i feel absolutely shameful of it .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): OP here,i made an error "till he asked my no." not "till i asked his no."
look how mssed up i am :(
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