A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm hoping someone can help.I hate how I look in general and there are certain things that I have done to make myself more attractive- I've lost weight, had several facial moles removed, straightened my teeth, had hair extensions, got a fake tan etc..... But I've come to realise no matter how much make up I wear or how thin I am or how tanned I am I always look ugly... To make things worse I absolutely hate how I come out in photographs and a few people have told me that im more attractive in person than I am in photos - which I agree with (I don't think I'm at all attractive) but my pictures are hideous...I do have 1 friend who is very honest with me,which I appreciate and she agreed that from the side (my profile) I'm better looking than I am when I when I face someone full on- however since she told me this I find myself not wanting to look at people face on but I try to talk to them so they can only see 1 side of my face (I know it sounds odd). I also know that I can't be the only one thinking how awful I look if my friend said the same thing- so it's not in my head.Has anyone had these issues that they overcame and how. I don't think I can avoid looking at people for much longer and I'm tired of thinking about it all the time. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2015): I think you have to take some time staring at yourself being a bit vain and posey and get to like your face. Find what angles you can do to make yourself look good. Notice the good stuff about your face.All photos of me taken by other people look butt-ugly, but I look at myself in the mirror and think, 'hey I'm not bad'.I'm not saying become a selfie maniac, but realise that a flat photo image is not a true representation of your 3D face, moving around while you are talking etc.Alot of people who take 'nice' photos/ models etc are actually quite weird looking in person, because you basically need a strange shape face/bone structure etc to stand out nicely in a photo.It sounds cheesy but you really do have to love yourself and how you look. You will meet people who think you are ugly and people who think you are stunning, but the opinion that actually matters is your own. That is the one that will make you happy.
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (29 March 2015):
 I've known a girl who was obsessed about her nose claiming it was too big, that people stared at her nose, that her profile was ugly, and yada, yada... As a result of her loss of confidence she was always diminutive in social circles, was very polite, under the radar, would listen to others more then speak herself, prefer to ask questions then answer them... She was such a great friend and great company that the only time I ever noticed her nose is when she confided in me how much she hates it. And she often did, asking me constantly what her guy thinks of her nose and whether she should ask him because I refused to do that on her behalf. Her man was crazy about her, loved her to death, so my reply to her, and I guess to you, was that more she talked about her negative side the more we noticed it because, really, she was so nice that the only time anyone noticed her nose is when she would start whining about it; so why spoil it for her guy. I told her never to ask her man about her nose and so when I met up with her past summer at West Palm Beach she was still with her guy and made sure she whispered that she hasn't asked him yet even though she still dreams of a nose job.I guess you deal with it by not letting your negative obsession convince others into believing the negative.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2015): I think you probably look fine, this is a psychological issue. Your friend was commenting on how you look in photographs, better in profile. Many people don't photograph well and anyone can have a bad one. Stop getting tanned it will give you wrinkles and skin cancer. Don't overdue the make up that always looks bad. I hope in time you start to see your beauty in your appearance and your soul.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 March 2015):
 I think instead of focusing on what you DO NOT like about yourself, you find the things you DO like. Like your eyes or smile (or whatever) and make THAT your focal point. LOVE those parts. If you walk around with a twinkle in your eyes, rather then self-hatred I BET you, others will think you are more attractive too.
Talking to people while trying to give them your profile makes you seem uninterested. Imagine someone trying to sit profile while talking with you, I bet you would presume they are bored and looking around to see if there is SOME WAY of escaping the conversation.
Photos are reality is NEVER the same. Same goes for mirrors.
But what you CAN do is play around with selfies and poses - you might just have to pose the "right" way for photos. Maybe even consider going to a GOOD photographer. They can instruct you.
I don't take great pictures, I'm not photogenic at all - but I have many pictures I like of myself taken when I wasn't aware. People trying to "hide" themselves or who just really HATE having their picture taking rarely takes a good picture.
Tons of make up is rarely attractive (IMHO) learning HOW to do you face so that certain features are in focus is a good idea too. There are a TON of tutorials on YouTube for various make up tips. So GO nuts!
You friend was honest, the picture wasn't great, but that doesn't mean YOUR face is ugly.
Don't copy some celebrity's look, FIND your own.
And isn't it ABOUT time you learn to LOVE yourself as you are?
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