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female
,
anonymous
writes: Ok, very simple common problem I know, but that doesn't really make it any easier... In my first year of uni I went out with a guy who lived in my block. We weren't together for very long but I really fell for him and now, a year and a half later, he's my best friend and my flat mate but I'm still no closer to getting over him. The stupid thing is that he keeps telling our other mutual best friend that he's realized he still has feelings for me, but instead of behaving like an adult about it he just becomes stroppy when I go out with new guys, and refuses to discuss it! We've hooked up on plenty of occasions since we broke up and I sincerely believe that his feelings for me are genuine, but he's so immature, and such a coward, that he'd rather just bury his head and hope it goes away (which it won't until we stop seeing each other every day, which won't be for at least another year and a half!)My question is essentially, a) how can I make this horrible non relationship either become something or end, without loosing my best friend in the process, and b) if neither of those is possible then how do I learn to tolerate the level of confusion, anger and frustration that the whole situation is causing me...?
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best friend, broke up, flatmate, immature Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): This may be a crazy suggestion, but here goes;
Get yourself a couple of envelopes with the following titles;
"Do you still have romantic feelings for me?"
(Inside you will have a note telling him that you feel the same and that your should both stop wasting time and get back together)
"I don't have those romantic feelings for you anymore"
(Inside you have your note telling him that it was something which was driving you crazy and your glad you know what he really feels. You could also say, because it is driving you crazy you need to have some distance to "unclutter" the feelings you are going through".
He is only allowed to choose one of the envelopes!
Just a thought and you don't loose face either way! All the best.
A
female
reader, Lucy2118  +, writes (3 March 2008):
 Communicate with him as much as possible, make him listen to what you've got to say, if he can't do that then he really isn't the guy for you as he can't get over his imaturity to listen to you.
Take up a hobby that thakes your mind off of him, go out with new guys.
Hope this helps.
X
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