A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Quick story short: I moved to another country in northern Europe to study and live with my boyfriend. It's been a rough start and hard adjusting and settling in.I am in a program with few other students who are also foreigners (or at least the majority).They all seem to be getting along more closely than I have managed to become... I really want to make friendships with some of them because its getting lonely without having a solid friend to spend some casual time with.Well I am having a party and they are all coming over. My closest friends back home have given me some hard times because of my lack of having more friends and being social. I have tried to tall to them about my nervousness to entertain my guests and become better friends to them. They act like my problems are frivolous...What can I do to show a good time at my place?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2014): Don't try very hard. People see it very clearly when you are trying too hard. I think it's very nice of you to have a party, going into expence, they must appreciate that . Foreign countries can be very tricky for Americans. Even if you are from Europe it can be hard, but to come from US even harder. I am from Eastern Europe but live in US for many years. I travel a lot and even with my experience I find people from all over the world very different but at the same time we all have a lot in common. Some cultures are more relaxed, easier to become friends with, some are very distant, reserved and it takes forever to get a smile out of anyone. People from Northern Europe are in my opinion a bit more reserved, opinionated and harder to make friends with than the rest of Europe. If you have in your group lots of people from different countries they are in the same boat as you: they are lonely also. What seems to you like they made friends quick might not be the fact. Also if you are in a relationship it might influence your desire to make many friends, because you already have someone and spend most of your time with that person. When I was single I was hanging out with lots of people, but when I met my husband I stopped as I simply had no time for crowds anymore and only saw my closest friends. I don't really understand why your friends in US give you a hard time of not being very social. No one MUST be super social. Some people are very outgoing and chatty, some are not. You don't have to be anyone you can't be. Usually people who are super social are the ones who don't really have very close friends. I have very few friends but I am very close with them and keep them for many years. For me it's plenty. And I am very selective when it comes to my friendships, I will not open up just to anyone. Bottom line, try not to stress too much about it. Have fun, enjoy your party, and I am sure everyone will have fun with you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2014): You say they seem to be getting along more among themselves than with you.
I'm in the same situation as you and I now realise that this is because I already have a partner and I don't stick around for many extra curricular activities that foreigners typically tend to join to meet new people.
My advice is to go to all the events you're invited to. Even if only for half an hour. They'll get to know you more that way ;-) When you already have a 'home' with your partner in the country it's easy to miss opportunities to meet new people.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (28 November 2014):
Make things as simple and stress free as possible. Have everything in well in advance, and keep it simple (food drinks etc). The less you have to worry about the less you will tend to worry and of course this means less things can go wrong. Stick with paper plates, plastic cutlery and plastic cups, less breakages means less cleaning up/damage.
If you are like me it might help to write a to do list, then you will feel more in control. And of course make sure you have fun. X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2014): Relax and let the good-times roll! Just be a welcoming host and make your guests feel at home. The less formal and tense you are, the more fun your guests will have.
Stress on your face will kill the mood. Keep food and refreshments plentiful, music going, and the guests pretty much take it from there.
Prep yourself before the party by playing your own favorite music. Tie-up all the loose-ends, so you're not fidgeting. Meaning, drinks and snacks are all setup as people arrive. Don't dart in and out of the room. It makes new people feel weird when the host keeps disappearing.
Make sure the lighting fits the mood. Psych yourself up for some fun. You're young and fresh from the States; that hopefully adds to your charm. Everyone will want to fill you in on what's happening to get you properly acclimated and adjusted to European life. If you just don't let yourself stress-out, and smile. You'll allow people to see the nice person that you are. That's really all there is to it. People always bring their own energy to the party, so embrace it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2014): I understand what you're talking about.I did the same thing, moved with my husband to another country, starting from scratch. But, you're handling the issue better. You're inviting people, looking for friends. I was more passive.Just do what you would do with your friends to make them comfortable. I just guessing, food, drinks... good atmosphere. It's a good thing that you're all in teh same programme so you'll have something to talk about.And don't let anybody give you hard time. I'm sure they mean well, but they're not the ones who moved to another country.The fact that they are mostly foreigners can be beneficial. It doesn't mean that the locals are less friendly, but they already have their own lives, friends, schedules. It may be hard for them to find the time.I felt isolated for years, now I wish I had been more active. I think you're doing the right thing but give yourself time, things will fall into place.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 November 2014):
 Relax!!! .... and play your CD of "ABBA" hits. Scandanavians CAN'T RESIST that... and they will LOVE YOU, afterwards........
P.S. When a woman plays "Dancing Queen" I am always ready to put out for her!!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2014): I'm in a similar situation. Don't try too hard just be relaxed, maybe make a few foods you like from back home, I made friends through having cultural dinner parties. Ask how to say small things in each others languages, I now know cheers in may 15 languages.
Move between groups, nut make sure you've gotten to know each before you move on, give out your number when someone makes you laugh or you think you'll get on, maybe create a facebook group for everyone, so you can plan day trips or lunches and anyone free can join you.
Good luck x
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