A
male
age
30-35,
*layton
writes:my girlfriend and i have had sex like 5 times but we havent in a while cus shes afraid its ganna hurt...we both lost our verginiy to eachother so we are both new to sex but i cant get her to relax...what do i do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (19 August 2010):
Physiologically, bringing her to orgasm just before trying to enter her is often recommended - she will be as open, lubricated, and relaxed as she'll ever be. Using one of the girl-on-top positions is also suggested, so that she can get the angle, location, pace and depth just right - there is NO WAY you can feel what she's feeling as you try to enter.
It may be helpful to read some of the "First Time Sex" threads, such as "How does it feels having sex for the first time in your life as a teenager?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-does-it-feels-having-sex-for-the.html , or "First time - painful?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/first-time---painful.html .
But you say it's been five times? My suspicion is that perhaps her mind, her emotions, and her body aren't quite in agreement that it was a good idea to start having sex just yet.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 August 2010):
 If 5 times in it's still hurting enough that she's tense and afraid to do it again, she's not getting enough foreplay. You need to get her turned on enough that she's really wet and things have expanded. Even then you need to go in slow. You can't just shove it in. You should try fingering her (it's more about rubbing on the outside than pumping away on the inside) or giving her oral sex. If she can't get turned on ahead of sex to the point where you can easily tell just by feeling things, then you shouldn't have sex and should wait until you better know how to turn each other on. Does she masturbate? If she doesn't, get her to start. If she doesn't know what feels good herself, there's no way for her to tell you what to do. You can't possibly be expected to be responsible for 100% of figuring out her pleasure. It's so important she can get herself off if she ever hopes to have a satisfying sex life. If she does masturbate, ask her to show you what feels good, and then guide your hands.
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A
male
reader, Duckiies +, writes (19 August 2010):
 take it slow and relax.. been there before.. just talk to each other throughout the sex
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