A
female
age
,
*earybe
writes:I am emotionally drained. I love someone who I have a child with. We have a 27year old on and off love affair. He always says his life is to complicated to commite to anyone. But continues to want to spend time with me. I'm not fulfill with this. I wanna be happy! Iiwish it was with him. How can I make him committ to me? I married somebody else because he didn't want to commit. Years later he marrys someone else. My marriage didn't work out and neither did his. He hook up with someone else that he had children by. That's the complication! He will hurt her and me. It seem like it is easier to hurt me, because nobody knows of our affair. Just my children or close friends of mine. Tell me how to not be so stupid! I hate being alone!!
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 Hi
You have had a 27 year affair during which time he married somebody else then divorced,then settled with another and had children.
I think that shows blatantly he does not want to commit to you,if he did he would have married you years ago.
You have in effect waited almost 30 years for a man who is using you for his own ends.Please shake yourself down and stop seeing,communicating,or putting out for him.He has shown what he thinks, he is never going to commit to you.
Start to look for somebody else, somebody who you can be with and have a good relationship with.Get your friends to help you break the habit of waiting for this man before your 70 years old and realise you have wasted your life on him.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (18 November 2012):
 Put him out of your mind. He will always be selfish and he will never see you as his life partner.
Sadly he has chosen to have a very poor opinion of you - otherwise he would have committed to you on any of the days in the past 27 years. He never used one of those 9861 days and add in the 9 months you were pregnant and you cna see that this man has had over 10,000 days to do the right thing by you and he never has.
Write him off and stop remembering the initial passion of 27 years ago. He older now. He's moved on to other women.
Now is your time to focus on making your own life fulfilling and get your life into positive mode.
Having your life right will attract a better man.
And never discuss your previous love life with any potential partner.
Stop being dependant on a man who does not give a thought to you and your welfare. He is not the knight in shining armour that your mind has created. he has not treated you with respect.
The Best thing you can do is get your life in order and then go forth without him in your thoughts.
And definitely do NOT allow any further assignations with him.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 You can't make another person do anything. However, you can change what you do and how his actions affect you.
If you don't want you relationship to be a secret, hey, stop hiding it. If he still visits but you want committment, then close the door, don't let him in.
Turn your back on him, you are wasting your precious life waiting for something that is never going to happen.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): modnote: either your whole answer was due to be rejected or all your insults removed, so your insults were removed."How can I make him committ to me?"You can't. "I married somebody else because he didn't want to commit.""He hook up with someone else that he had children by. That's the complication!"That's not a complication, that is overt, brazen, flagrant disrespect and you're too oblivious to realize it."Years later he marrys someone else. My marriage didn't work out and neither did his."For obvious reasons. "It seem like it is easier to hurt me, because nobody knows of our affair. Just my children or close friends of mine."It is easier for him to hurt you because you let him. He is a scumbag who has been stringing you along for casual sex strictly for his pleasure and strictly at his convenience with absolutely no obligation and absolutely no commitment whatsoever while keeping you in the shadows the entire time.
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