A
male
age
30-35,
*nickx
writes:Well here it goes. Im sorry this will be long, ill make it as painless to read as possible. i feel bad for asking, because i never have time to respond to questions anymore but you guys have been the best when it comes to this stuff so im just going to spill away.---background---This week has been awfully long and confusing, ive never been in a relationship like this. i've known of this girl for a long time, we are both juniors (both 16 and in 11th grade). She missed all of last year because she had surgery and couldnt come to school, then the year before i missed because i had a serious sports injury that kept me out. So its been a solid 2 years since ive talked to her, other than hi, bye small talk.We started really talking again 2 thursdays ago, and thats when she started texting me. Sunday she texted me and asked if i would like to go to homecoming. Shes good looking, and nice. so i said yes. Now the only thing about this girl is she has a horrible tendency to lead guys on. (i do not thi nk thats whats happen just making you aware). People warned me so i promised myself i wouldnt get close. We talked all week and found out we have tons in common. Listen to the same music, want to go to the same college for almost the same career, like the same foods. The only real differences is she is exciting, outgoing, and flirty. Im very laid back, cool, calm, collected and relaxed. Not neccissarily shy or backwards, but im by no means loud to someone i barely know.Now we talked a TON this week. Spent every spare moment in school with her (mainly homeroom and 7th period studyhall, and met her whenever i could in the halls) we got to know each other very well in such a short amount of time. After school, in total we'd probably exchange anywhere from 400-600 texts a day, which is tons. Started as small talk at first, then we got to know each other, now we started flirting a bit, and im very flirty towards people i do know.Now we are a huge deal at school. Im by no means popular either, well liked, yes, but not talked about. All week, we've been the talk of the school, and everyone thinks its great we are going together and want her to date.She has a low immune system (has fybromyalgia, chronic fatigue and bad migranes) so with this being flu season and all its kind of inevitable she gets sick. We were going to go to dinner and a movie yesterday, but her mom wouldnt let her go because she missed school friday. So she invited me to go to her house yesterday, couldnt because she was to sick. then she invited me again to her house today to watch the steelers game but couldnt because shes still sick.So we are going great, im happy, shes happy, she tells me good morning and good night every night, then last night we're having a normal conversation, no mention of dating to this point all week. I tell her im taking a shower and when i get back to my phone i say 'hey im back' and then for no reason she sends this:I dont wana hurt you cuz your a really great guy. I just want you to know were friends and tlking asnd see how things go cuz i dont wana do a relationship now.Now this came out of nowhere, and yes i was getting a little flirty, but i never told her i wanted a relationship. Infact, she told me to send her a pic of me and she replied with "niiiick your so damn cute!!!" i didnt go that far. Now i know im not horrible looking, but i dont think im that great looking, aparently tho i am or have been told by a bunch of girls this week i am.So for the next couple mins we definately had a falling out, we made up a little bit, and went to bed 11:15ish.Well not really went to bed, neither of us could sleep. I get a text at midnight and it was her and she asked if i was still up. I answered, and she had a lot on her mind. We kinda just spilled our guts to each other till 1, and then we said good night. I didnt fall asleep till 3. But it helped a ton.I found out that her x (its been 7 mos.) broke up horribly and she got really hurt. I told her im here for her if i need her, and she said its not me but she just doesnt want to have a relationsship with anyone right now.but she told me no matter what she wants to hang out with me and still talk to me. Now today, we are back to how we were. Still texting her constantly, i mean but at this point im confused.--- What im thinking----She got really hurt. Its understandable that she doesnt want a relationship.-In the back of my head im constantly thinking that she leads guys on, im not good enough looking for her, and she keeps cancelling dates on me.-This girl in this last week came on to me really strongly. Maybe when i got to know her since i was quiet to her before and now that i know her im flirting back with her, maybe she saw those as advances?-She seems like she wants to be with me. She is NOT like this with any other guys. When she said she didnt want to hurt me it felt like she was putting a block up between us so we couldnt get any closer, so i didnt hurt her-I would never hurt her, i really care about her, even as a friend. Had a hard time understanding why she would put that block up. Got it now tho.-All of her CLOSEST friends told me they think we will date. -We have a lot of plans, when she gets better we are going to dinner and movies, we are going to pick out her dress soon together, we are going to some sort of spanish class trip together, were still going to homecoming, she became the watergirl for the team so we could be together on fridays (i play football), and she got me to do student council, in turn shes doing the musical with me and she was excited to spend tons of time with me, and she talks about us like we are together in the future. Like i dont get my liscense till november, but she told me that if she gets honor roll this 9 weeks she either gets her permit or a tattoo, she said shell get the tattoo because then ill be able to drive us around.-This would be a lot easier if i could talk to her in person. I havent seen her in 4 days now, and i miss being with her and having fun with her.-Also if we could have gone on our movie date, i think we may have been able to avoid last night because i would have been able to start to prove to her that i wouldnt hurt her.--- What i want to know ---- Anyone have any ideas what i can do to get her to trust me and stop her from blocking me?- Anyone want to take a guess at her motives?- Any past experience would be very appreciated- I find it hard to believe she is spending this much time on me leading me on, because much like she has consumed my time, i have consumed hers.ummm i think this is it. Anyone that answers i really appreciate it because this has been wracking my brain for a while...Thanksnick
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): Ok first relax and try not to stress out about it that much. What's meant to be will happen and it sounds like you guys are in the right direction towards being together so don't stress and try to force anything. It does sound like she got hurt by this last guy and is probably trying to do a few things, first trying to get over him and trying to prevent herself from getting hurt again. Now it takes a while to get over someone especially someone who hurts you so much. Also there is no way to prevent yourself from getting hurt that's just part of life so she'll have to figure that out one day. I don't think that she is trying to lead you on if anything she does like you and she's being honest about not wanting to start anything right now. That's fine just remain friends and one day when she's ready it will work. Now she may be acting flirty and acting like she wants to be with you because she likes the way you treat her, this might not sound right but she's kinda using you for the positive attention you give her during this sad time for her with everything going on with her ex. She's not doing it on purpose though i can guarantee she probably doesn't even know she's doing it so i don't think she has any motives to hurt you or lead you on, i would genuinely say she probably does want to be with you. It's hard to get people to trust you that have been hurt, you can't force it. The best thing to do is just to keep proving to her that she can trust you and i think you're doing a perfect job of that already, just be her friend and be there for her when she needs you and she'll come around sooner or later.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): 1st off, 400-600 texts A DAY? Are you serious?
Anyways, I say just keep doing what you're doing, and you'll get where you want to be eventually. You've got plenty of time to make this work.
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