A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting married. My best friend and I talked, and he will not be able to attend most of my wedding events. He will only be able to make the wedding ceremony at the church where no alcohol will be served. The reason is that he just started recovery due to his heavy drinkin. He knows that he can't avoid alcohol forever but knows that he isn't ready to be in certain types of situations yet. He was an extremely heavy drinker so I am glad he decided to get professional help for his drinking.Is there any other way I can include him in my wedding celebration? We have been friends for 30 years.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2023): Could you have a no-alcohol stag do, or a separate get together to celebrate your wedding with no alcohol involved (e.g. paintballing, afternoon tea, day at the zoo)? It is great that your friend is tackling his alcoholism and you are being a good friend by accepting he cannot come to your whole wedding. But it might be nice to also arrange a small gathering of close friends just before or after your wedding to celebrate in a non-alcohol environment.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2023): I am very familiar with addiction recovery process and am part of a group therapy for family members of alcoholics. First of all, congratulations on your wedding! How wonderful that you two are friends since 30 years! Kudos to that. It's great that he can attend the ceremony. However, I would recommend that it's for his best that he avoids all other social events that involve drinking and alcohol. Even the sound of a glass being poured is enough to trigger him- and a relapse can lead to more than just one drunken night.. and you definitely don't want that for your friend.
If you are so keen on it, have a non-alcoholic event for a certain group of friends. (Which will IMO be another big, unnecessary expense).. infact alcoholics are even advised in therapy to avoid the social circle they usually drink in. So, if you truly truly love and care for your friend (which I'm sure you do), the best and most loving gesture would be to help him with recovery. Maybe ask him to make a video recording of him addressing the friends/making an informal toast, send him a handwritten note with his favorite food telling how much you miss him but how happy you are for his recovery so far. Afterall if this is the cost he's paying to stop drinking, he better make it worth by truly recovering!
Wish you the best. 3
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