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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Okay... first off, I would like to just say that I have never, EVER dated a man who put more time and effort into pleasing me as this one. We'll call him 'Jed'... Yea, I know. Anyway, Jed fingers, performs oral, rubs, caresses, kisses, licks... endlessly. He's quite the cuddler, despite his outwards appearance. I swear by all that is holy in this world, I got off like eight times yesterday, the thing is... he didn't. Like, at all. Jed seriously could not get it up. I think it has something to do with his health or maybe even just his body image, because Jed (yea...I know) is a pretty big guy. He is pretty small flacid (smaller than I've seen), but I really don't care because of his other talents (ya know?) and I'm not really that shallow, but I'm concerned for his health and for his side of our sex-life.He's gotten hard with clothes ON, making out and having his fun with me, but when it came time to really do it, nothing. Zip. I tried EVERYTHING to turn him on...kissing, licking his ears (we share a mutual stimulation, there, since we both have a thing for ears), grinding on him....nothing. I won't do oral until we have sex because that's kinda just my thing. Oral takes a lot of trust with me (obviously not if I'm on the receiving end, because Jed can't resist it...he's like a man possessed!). Later that night I found out he was really self-conscious about his belly. I asked him if he was one of those guys that kept thier shirts on during sex and he laughed and nodded. I told him I thought it was sexy and kissed his tummy just to prove it.I was also thinking diabetes might be a cause of his flacidy-ness, his lathargy, his weight, and his lack of appetite. I was thinking he should go get tested for it.I found diet pills in his room, behind his stereo, and they were new and opened.I'm thinking he's trying to lose weight, but I'm so confused! He's like 6'3 or 4, and weighs like 280lbs. What is going on with him, and what could be the cause of his flacid-though-turned on penis and how can I improve his self-esteem and body image?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to thank everyone for all thier help. :] You guys have given me a lot of great ideas, and I'm sure they will all help. I think all my kissing and cooing is helping significantly, too.
He told me today that he hates that I'm afraid of his strength sometimes (I don't mean to, but sometimes I flinch if someone raises thier hand) and hates that I'm so small compared to him. I told him he was perfect and that I love him the way he is...and told him that I feel protected by him. This seemed to help considerabley.
I also found out that he's the jealous type. And that when he's mad, he doesn't say a word, and prefers to ignore me.
Oh well, everyone's different. :] I can live with that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol, swimming? The closest thing to a lake or pond or even a swimming pool here is the water trough for his horses. :]
As someone who was an anorexic for 3 years, I know about the body storing fat away (causing a plateau effect for weight loss). He just works so hard, and I worry about his health so...:(
This is not the frisbee-playing type. He is certainly not athletic (other than chasing calves to medicate or roping calves and showing his livestock), nor is he the picnic-y type. He's the typical country man who lays on the couch on sundays (is only day off) and sleeps for a little while, watches TV, and plays with his little brother and sister. On monday it's up and adam for class and then after school it's work and feed, and then it's work again until like 3 am...and then it's up for classes at 5 (classes don't even start until 8 or so).
He's a very motivated man in the money department, but lacks in the self department. I can't believe I'm saying this about a man...but I wish he'd be a little more selfish! He told me 'why try to make myself happier? I have the best girl in the world already, so what more could I ever want'. I texted him back 'you should do something for yourself. Celebrate your life, hun. you should have a say in what makes you happy' He followed by saying 'why ive never had a say before, I've always learned to be happy with what I got'. Which is true.
Kids around here have thier complaints and mischeif beaten out of them with daddy's belt. I feel bad that the most I can say I've ever had done to me is one spanking. He laughed ruefully and said it must be nice. He got the belt at least once a day.
Makes me sad. :[ I don't know what to do. He seems very dependent on my love, which I'm fine with, but doesn't seem to want to trust me with his thoughts or opnions. I don't even care abou the boner thing anymore! I just want Jed to open up to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): Hey, Im thinking this is a problem he is well aware of and quite possibly a problem that he has suffered with before - so basically he perfected other sexual acts to compensate for having a problem with staying hard for sex.
His low body image could have something to do with this and you may find that the more happy with his body he becomes the longer his erection will stay. As women we know what it is like when we are unhappy with ourselves, it doesnt matter what our partners say, it doesnt change how we feel inside. Telling him you are happy with him the way he is is definately going to help but he is still going to have that problem with himself, perhaps you could advise that he does not take over the counter drug and that he seeks the help of a doctor if he feels it is necessary to lose weight? Perhaps you could get losing weight completely out of his head and approach it with a 'why dont we both start eating better'. What I am thinking is then you can push that eating small balanced meals is a much more healthy way to lose weight than eating little or nothing irreguarly, infact the body starts laying down fat as it does not know when to expect the next meal.
Hope some of this helps - oh and well done you for finding one of the few selfless men out there. lol.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question'Jed' is very self-conscious, like I said. :( It's like pulling teeth out of his very mouth to get him to release information like that, though I know he loves me dearly. I think he's using the pills because he wants to lose weight for me, actually. They are relatively new-looking and I know he bought them over-the-counter because they are not prescription. I hope he isn't. He never eats around me (except when I eat over with his family), and he DOES seem to be dropping a few pounds...
I heard for every 10lbs you lose after a certain weight-mark, you gain an inch in the lady-pleaser department. Is that true?
Yes, he is very, very attentive. Such a little cuddler! :) Soo cute. He can get hard through his jeans, no problem...but otherwise, no. So I think it's just body image.
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (8 April 2008):
 Sounds like you have found an unusually sexually attentive man in your age range (I presume). Lucky lady. It is not unusual for large men (physically) to be fairly small in that certain area, according to my readings. It is also not unusual for a diabetic to have erectile problems (according to my diabetic friends). But he is supposedly getting medical attention if diabetic and in possession of diet pills. Why don't you just have a good heart-to-heart talk with him about your concerns?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea, he usually works all night, gets home early in the morning, naps, then gets up to do more work and head to class. He only eats like one fatty meal a day (smoker, too), and he dips Cope as well. I think it must be stress related, but I still worry about his weight and if he is at risk for diabetes (his gramma, grampa, and aunt are diabetic).
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): Diabetes could be present for his weight, from what I've heard.
Now all the things he does, the oral etc, I do to. It does though take me time to get hard. By the time foreplay is over with, I'm usually ready. I had at one time talked to a sex therapist and learned some techniques. It was mostly stress, what I was taught about sexuality when I was young that kept me from being a stud (still not one). It takes a partner to help work through the excercises, but might partner wasn't interested.
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