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How can I help my mum with her depression?

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Question - (29 July 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 30 July 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

my mum just told me that shes really depressed and she has just gone onto anti deppressants. i dont know what to do. help?

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A male reader, Red Green 0289 United States +, writes (30 July 2009):

You may not realize it, but it's really good that she shared this with you as some people with depression will NOT share how they're feeling. Being on medications for depression is also a good sign, as again, some folks will resist and sink deeper into it.

Depression is easily treated - you need to know a few things:

1. You didn't cause it

2. You can't control it

3. You can't cure it

So, in reality, all you can do is be you - be helpful, kind, loving and thoughtful. You do NOT need to try to change how you behave in an effort to make her feel better.

From the time I was 7 or 8 till I was 16, my mother was depressed. She drank to try to control it, and the drugs back then were more recreational than theapudic. When mixed with alcohol they were reportedly very potent. In the 70's the Doctors handed them out like candy, and there was no real treatment. I thought that I could change my behavior and make my mom happy. I created all kinds of crazy "rules" for myself and for a while thought they were working... they didn't, but my behavior was changed such that it has taken me years to UNLEARN this behavior.

Mom got better, but today, it would have happended a LOT faster, and our family would have been better for it.

It sounds like you're in much better shape, but it may not feel that way. The best thing you can do is find someone you trust (like an young Aunt, or safe family freind) and share with them what you're feeling.

Good luck! and know that things will improve!

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A female reader, Pola United States +, writes (29 July 2009):

Pola agony auntjus try to take her out more often. Ask her to go church too that will help.sign her up to a gym so she can exercise.

Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009):

It can be really tough when someone you love has depression. There are lots of great treatments for depression, but many tablets take a few weeks to work and to help a depressed person to start feeling better. I guess all you can do is be there for her, she may want to talk about how she feels, but then again, she might not want to.

You have to look after yourself, though. If you're finding it hard to cope, you could try contacting ChildLine about how you feel or any problems you are having - their website is www.childline.org.uk and they run a helpline that you can call for support/advice any time.

It might help to go and speak to your GP or a nurse (perhaps with your Mum) - they could answer any questions you might have about depression, how it is treated, worrying things to look out for, and how to support your Mum.

It might also be a good idea to confide in someone else about this, like a supportive teacher, or a school counsellor/nurse (if you have one), or an older brother/sister, or another parent/grandparent if you have one?

I hope that helps.

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A female reader, xoxemilyxox United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2009):

hello, i suffered a few years ago with same thing. she will get better, and once better will hopefully be better than before i know i am.

just carry on being good, go for walks, talking helps. good luck and be her best friend x

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (29 July 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntBe as good as you can, help out with the housework, maybe do some cooking, in general just be helpful. Depression once dianosed can be controlled and treated. Best of luck to both you and your mum. Things will get better.

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