A
female
age
41-50,
*eea
writes:Is there a way to get my boyfriend who spent eighteen years in prison that will easily get him to open up and share emotions . I want to know if there are things I could learn to help guide him to open up and share his feelings and emotions verbally. He only shows me this through actions but can't seem to talk or share feelings and my way I think is putting to much pressure and is not working. I would love some more replies to my question labeled it dosent make sense does he love me or not. I apreciate the one reply and really want some more feedback. Please reply from leea[OP NOTE: THREE QUESTIONS COMBINED INTO ONE. LINK TO THE ORIGINAL QUESTION POSTED BELOW.]http://www.dearcupid.org/question/it-makes-no-sensedoes-he-love-me-or.html
View related questions:
in jail Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Is he using the time spent in prison as his reason for why he can't say "I love you"? If not then don't use it as an excuse on his behalf either. My gut is telling me this is just how he is. Some men have difficulties saying those three words as they mean a lot. For others it comes easier. Of course prison had it's impact on him, but life has it's impact on everyone, and he is not the only man who can't say those words. Men who have never been in prison can also have these difficulties, just as I am sure men who have been in prison can also express their feelings.
He's been out for 2 years. Habits are hard to change, but if his lack of communication is all he is struggling with at the moment I think he is doing well for a man who spent half his life in prison.
I'd rather look at the reason he went to prison in the first place for answers to why he can't express his emotions. But, this is all guessing games. Why he won't tell you he loves you is an impossible question to answer. Only he can tell you that. If he says he's not ready he's not ready. You should cut him some slack because you'd rather those words came from his heart right? They wouldn't mean so much if you had to force them out of him.
What you need to think about though is: is this enough? Can you continue for much longer in the relationship without hearing those words? I think he does love you, like you said his actions say so. But it is also important to hear the words. As you have talked about this with him, he knows. All you can do then is to wait and be patient. But no one will judge you, I think, if you decide it is too hard to continue the relationship without hearing those words. They matter a lot to you. He needs to respect that and tell you he loves you if he does. If he can't, would you be able to live with that?
A
female
reader, leea +, writes (15 June 2010):
leea is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChigirl he has been out for almost two years. I am very open and honest and do share my feelings. He does a lot to show me care and affection through his actions but is closed verbally about feelings. In my first questio I asked if he loves me or not. I told him I loved him at six months and I felt he loved me but he said he is not there yet. I was shocked. He wants to spend life and even maybe marry. He holds my hand hugs me for frequently for about five minutes each time. I've met all his fam and friends. He wants to live with me but I won't until he says I love u and he knows that. He took care of me after surgery and is still doing my laundry and grocery shopping because I'm not recovering quicly. He spends all free time with me and calls me daily at his two breaks from work. He loves my cats. He carrys all my bundles and makes special trips to help me when things are too heavy. I know I'm repeating myself but that is a little more info and I appreciate your response. I want to know how to get him to open up and if he loves me and is afraid to say it and if I should wait longer maybe at our two year anniversary. He knows its an issu about him saying I love u and also his lack of communication and expressing his feelings verbally. Should I cut him slack because he was in prison. Are there secret techniques that men know to help me to help him express himself.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 June 2010):
How long since he got out of prison? And while it is easy to assume he is closed in emotionally because of his life in prison, some men just are like this. In which case he will never change.
I don't know any better techniques to make people open up other than to be open yourself, share things yourself, and invite to conversation, but not lay any pressure on them to share. Being relaxed and easy going, being a person they can always talk to who doesn't dominate the conversation. Making them feel welcome and wanted. I found that if I am honest and show my own emotions, people reply with the same, being honest and showing emotions.
...............................
|
