A
female
age
36-40,
*oodleness
writes:I think my friend is making the biggest mistake of her life. She has been seeing this guy she knew from work for just over a year now, and when they were together for 2 and a half months, she moved in with him in his MUMS house. We had a long conversation before she did this about how I thought it wasn't a great idea, but I was supportive too, I just wanted her to be happy.Well, since then, she has completely changed. She's put on lots of weight, and is half the person she used to be. She used to be fun, bubbly and wild. Now she's timid and unsocial. She NEVER comes out with her friends, when she does come round mine for a cup of tea she only comes once every two weeks (if I'm lucky) and stays for an hour or less, and either spends the whole hour texting him or clock watching. Initially it would annoy me, as I found it rude, but I still phoned her and made sure she was invited out ect, but she would always decline.Before she moved in with him, he would break up with her every other week deciding she was too good for him, or that he was too scared of losing her because he loved her so much, and she would always beg him not to leave. I saw him once square up to her during an argument and when I stepped infront of him, he screamed at me, even though he was in my flat! This was over him having to wait ten minutes for her when she was stuck in traffic to get to mine. To me, this behaviour is disgusting, he is 24 years old and she is 21.Then, out of nowhere she told me that she had closed her bank account and opened a joint account with her bf, making both their WHOLE wage packets go into this joint account which HE had the card to. I didnt like this idea at all, but she always went on about how lovely their relationship was, so again, I bit my tongue.Well, last week she for some reason and with no questioning from me, opened up about how he accuses her of cheating all the time and doesnt agree with how much time she spends with her MUM (which is one afternoon a week from what I know), how he pays for her phone bill out of his account (he has a seperate one from the joint one!!!!) although she gives him the money, he thinks this gives him the right to look through her phone and check her phone bills. She told me she was fed up with not seeing her friends, and how unhappy he was when she got a a great new job. So, rather than do what I wanted to do and scream at her to leave this controlling, aggressive bloke, I tried to be supportive and advise her because she wouldnt have listened otherwise and made it quite clear she didnt want to leave him.She lifted her hair away from her head and showed me that he had ripped one of her earrings out in a fight, and explained that when she drove home to her mums one night he sent his uncle round to get her. He physically stops her from leaving when they argue and she said that sometimes it gets so bad that his mum gets involved. At one point, my bf rang me andI asked if I could call him back, and when I put down the phone she looked shocked... "If I ever asked **** to phone me back he would go mental".They have just got a mortgage on a flat and I am so worried about her. They are due to move in at the beginning of next month and I told her absolutely not to do it until his behaviour changes, but how do I make her see this guy is no good for her and she must leave now before its too late? He's taken her life away and I really believe he wont be happy until he has her locked up 24/7 or worse...She said she doesnt tell her parents about how their relationship is because she "doesnt want them to think badly of him", but I have a right mind if I see a scratch or bruise on her to tell her dad. I dont want it to get that far but I dont know what else to do. I've told her I will always be here for her and given as much advice and support as I can, but I'm worried if I go full pelt an tell her to leave, it'll drive her away even more. This is absolutely NOT the sort of person she is and I told her she needs to make a decision and stick to it and she agreed, but I have heard nothing from her since. There is of course, a lot more I could add to his list of disgusting behaviour, but this post is already far too long.Its making me sick with worry.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (28 October 2008):
You have to get her to see that this guy is a dangerous psycho.
Try to keep telling her that normal men who actually care about their girlfriends don't treat them in the way that he is treating her.
Be there and keep telling her that she can leave and go home and he can't hurt her once she is there. If he tries then she can call the police.
Good Luck!! xx
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