A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Something which has been troubling me lately:I've been going to a few parties, raves, social gatherings, etc recently, and usually i'll get a bit wasted and just have a good time, chill with friends, rave a bit, etc. The thing is, in the last few times i've been, i'll catch the glimse of some girl, and she'll smile or look at me in a way that (i'm pretty sure) shows some sort of interest.Most of the time, i'll end up chatting to that girl at some point that night, and we'll get along pretty well, get each others' facebook, etc.. but then over time (even if i regularly talk to her), contact fades away and the chance of any relationship gets lost.This is not just one girl, this is about 3/4 potential girls i've liked; which i usually get along with when i meet them, and then somehow screw it all up later on.Each time this has happened, i replay events through my head trying to work out what i did wrong, or how i drove her away..but i can never figure out what I did or didn't do. I'm so sick of being depressed about what could've been, so i try not to get too emotionally attached, but that doesn't really get me anywhere either, it just makes me more upset.I've looked at so many bullsh** pick-up guides as well, and none of them make any sense. I'm not the person to be a prick to a girl in order to get her validation or to manipulate her, and yet, its those pricks who seem to have the most success with girls. I guess what i'm trying to get at is how to you approach a girl, how do you start a relationship?..It seems like a pretty simple question but i just can't get my head around it. I've been told that simple solution would be to ask her out, but i've tried that and it doesn't work.I've pretty much given up on the concept of asking someone out; not because i've been rejected but because asking someone out seems outdated or old-fashioned. And most of the time, its never as clear as a simple yes or no. All my friends who have girlfriends say that they didn't really go on a date until they'd been in the relationship for a some time. All they say is that it just "happens".I've tried asking my friends (both guys and girls) about my situation but everytime i end up getting embarassed. I know this post may sound like i'm weird and desperate, but i'm starting to lose hope on girls and the idea of romance, not that i'm gay or anything, just that i seem to have the worst luck with girls..I don't know why i can't get what comes natural to most people. There's nothing wrong with me; i'm not bad-looking, nor am i bad person, or stupid or un-confident.I don't get nervous around girls either, but i can never seem to follow through. I just end up being that distant friend. Its been getting me pretty down recently, cause i just feel like a failure.. And what frustrates me the most, is that at the beginning all the signs seem so evident and clear, but later on it just gets complicated.So i write this post to those guys who have better luck with girls, or maybe a girls opinion about how she would want a guy to approach her and initiate a relationship. Or anyone who can tell me what i'm doing wrong...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): Smile at her. Flirt. Give compliments. Let her know you are interested right away or from fairly early on, and dont give up at first no. Stay around as a friend if she says no. Ask for a chance to get to know her better. Do fun things together, and invite her to events for just the two of you (so no group dates).
You are still young and there is no need to give up. As you get better at "playing the game" of conduct and courting, things will run more smoothly. You got to give the right signals. Most women love attention from a man, so make sure the signals you send aren't just "hi how are you" and boring, but inviting like "I was thinking about you earlier, can't get that beautiful smile out of my head" or something else she has that is pretty. When you meet her compliment on her looks, what a nice dress she has or just "you look great today". That gives of the signal that you see her as more than just a friend. You see her as a woman.
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (22 November 2009):
 I'll agree with "Emilysanswers" and add that you make your moves more decisively. Confidence is always important, as is humor, but make it known to them that you would like to explore the possibility of being their man. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 November 2009):
So you'll chat them up, but not make a move, and then talk to them for a few weeks before asking them out?
Most girls will just think you want to be mates by that time.
You need to ask them out sooner, or at least make some kind of minor move on them a lot sooner.
Putting your arm round her, offering your coat, telling her she looks really great.... offer some kind of signal that says you like her.
Good Luck!! xx
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