A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've tried to battle through symptoms I see as "depression" for years now, but I never seem to actually get anywhere. I'm not the typical type of depressed teen you see, as I always try to keep a brave face and a low profle just so nobody actually knows what I'm going through, so its hard for me to just ask out for help from anyone.My mum once found out I self harmed from reading a piece of paper which fell out my diary one time. I didn't/don't self harm for any attenion and do absolutly anything to make sure I'm covered up, as the only reason I do it is to relieve pain to try and to focus on something else other than over a certain problem. As my mum overlooked this issue, and never really offered any support, it obviously made me feel worse. Even though I know she does love me. A couple of years later I let my little sister use my laptop for some work, and she found a load of "teen depression" sites saved in my favourites, so I decided to play it cool and make up the excuse that I was using it for homework at school, and surprisingly it worked and managed to calm everyone down.I have my reasons for feeling the way I do, as I was bullied for many years when i was younger[physically and verbally], which totally crushed any self confidence as I never let anybody find out, so I now find it hard to make friends and approach people. I don't fit in with absolutly anybody; whether it comes to family of school, as I'm always seen as the "outsider", absolutly every girl at school is a pathetic backstabbing, slag and bitch and all see their fun as gettin' pissed on a Friday night and sleeping with the first boy they come across [which tbh I'd rather keep my distance from] which basically means I spend my life alone doing nothing. I've been through 3 upsetting devorces where I was dragged into the middle of situations and nobody ever makes the effort with me etc.. but in my opinion this is nothing compared to what other people have to deal with from day to day, which makes me feel even worse about myself, as I just feel pathetic and insignificant.Because I've made it clear to my Mum that everything is okay [even though it isn't] I want to try and get help without her help or anybodys for that matter. I know I need help because I'm sick and tired of being alone, having no energy and nobody to talk to. My grades are falling and I fail almost every exam or just manage to pass which I'm getting quite a lot of stick from both my parents and teachers. PLEASE if anyone could give me any advice whatsoever to help me overcome the way I feel as I just feel alone and desperately need someone to talk to soon, before it gets too late.Sorry this is so long and deep[blah blah] but I needed to write as much as I could down, any advice from anyone would be so helpful. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): Your title to your question makes it impossible to get help.If you expect to get the help that you so desperately
need,then you have to tell someone.Please tell your mom or
your sister.Talk to one of them.Tell them how you feel and
I promise that they'll only give you the help you need.You
could talk to your sister about your problems and get her to help you tell your mom.Then your mom can take you to a
doctor or a therapist.And she can also buy you some medicine if there's any for people younger than 18.But please tell somebody.you've already realized your problem,
now you just need some people to help you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): I know exactly what you're going through.
I just e-mailed someone about the same problem.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 June 2008):
You sound a lot like me at your age. Long baggy school tops are such a blessing aren't they? I used to use them like an invisibility cloak and just disappear into a corner somewhere.
The first thing you need to know is that life after school get SO MUCH BETTER!!! All those girls at school who are so popular and "normal" know will never do anything with their lives as they are too wrapped up in themselves and their own dramas.
But you can get out, you can escape and do what ever you want. All you have to do is get your grades up enough so that you can go to uni. There are lots of stupid girls there too but there are also lots of cool intelligent people and I made some of my best friends in the world at uni.
If you really feel you need to see someone then there are a number of free helplines you can ring. Childline might be a start, another one is Suportline who specialise in this kind of thing: 020 8554 9004
Teen depression sites tend to be full of people who compete to see who's life is the worst, so talking to an adult is your best bet.
Give yourself something to look forward to and hopefully that will pull you up enough to work yourself out of it.
Also, get "The Bell Jar" by Silvia Plath out of the library. I think you may find it helps you as well.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): Ohh yeahh I forgot. Your mother. She's doing exactly what my mum did so I wouldn't worry about that. They're probably just doing what they think is right.
I promise you she does care about you though.
It's probably better that you can sort this out on your own, and I do agree with the possibility of school consuellor if you could get hold of one. You sorting it out on your own for one is because you want to do it without someone finding out, and two because you can learn and become stronger by your own accord. Unlike me you won't feel guilty your wasting someone else's time, or anything like that.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (15 June 2008):
 Ok the first thing you do is talk to someone. I can tell how unhappy you are and you are right you do need help and you've taken the biggest step of all by realising this.
Given your age and the fact you are in uk I would suggest you talk to someone at school if you dont feel that you can talk to your mum about this. If you have a fave teacher go to them, if not go to your head of year and request to see a schools counselor. You do not have to tell the first person you talk to everything but just let them know you are in an unhappy place and really need someone to talk to right now.
I have seen my daughters close friend go from being unhappy and isolating herself to self harming to suicide attempts to being committed to a secure unit. She has begun to come out the other side of this now but it has been horrendous for her (and her family) and she has been in such a lonely place. She refused to admit she had a problem but if she had and talked to someone then it might not have got so far.
You have been through a lot with the divorces etc and sometimes when close ones suspect something is wrong if they are told everything is ok they believe it because they want to believe it not because they dont care but because sometimes it is easier to bury your head in the sand.
If all else fails try the school nurse and ask if she can talk to the right people for you. I hope you can find someone to help you. Dont give up, depression needs looking into and you need to feel you are not alone. If you cant get anywhere then private message me and I will see if I can offer anymore advice, I used to work in education so I do have some knowledge and experience of what is available and can always find out more if you need it x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): Noo that's fine! I might even beat you on length =P I am still going through exactly the same thing, and I know that's not exactly advice, it's just that I know where your coming from.
I'm not depressed because I'm bullied, but other personal matters but I understand that you want to keep a low profile, which is someting that I want too. Unfortunatley, that often comes across that your attention seeking and within the last couple of months, teachers have been thinking that my problems are in fact untrue - I ended up telling one teacher before I did something drastic.
Use your imagination there or the moderator won't allow it...
Back to you, there are several sights you could go on. Unfortunatley if your looking for advice samaritans won't help as they are there to listen, not to advise. I suggest you don't talk to a teacher as they have to tell the head master, you parents and hense social services - although that doesn't go into much detail - which is what happened a few months before.
Confidentially, you could just walk into a consuellors and check that it is - I'm sure it is but you'll have to check - and although I don't normally 'believe' in help on that level, it does sometimes help.
Like you, my grades slipped and I've just taken my GCSE's. I was once predicted A*s and A's and for my mockz got 4 C'z, 4 D'z and a E (I had already got 1 C). I can only stress that you need to get it sorted out soon. You need to bite the bullet and just face it head on. Try and learn to be stronger.
I'm not exactly popular but I don't get worked up about it - partly because I have some support. Depending on whether you've started your GCSE's, you could move school. Don't try and blend in - being authentics cool!! It shows your a strong character.
I can't say you'll be laughing about this in a few years time, but you'll certainly be a lot better.
Sorry I went on a long time too,,
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