A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dont suppose anyone could give me any productive advice on my situation but here I am trying anyway....There was a boy who I went to school with who I had a crush on for the longest time I could remember. When we went to secondary school, long story short my mum met his dad, fell in love and got married in a bit of a whirlwind romance. Then we all ended up living together. I was really upset as of course it meant I had to stop my feelings as it would be somewhat wrong to fancy my "new brother" But I can not tell you how painful it was - imagine the girl/guy you fancied for like forever in school, daydream about, go to sleep thinkin about, goin red each time they spoke to you etc then suddenly having to live with them, see them every day but as a sibling!I always thought my feelings would go away in time but if anything living with him made it even stronger. Of course I have never or will never make it known my feelings as it would cause a great upset in our family. So there has never been anyone I can speak to about this in my family - only my best friend knows.As soon as I was old enough I moved out of home as I couldnt stand living there, seeing him every day etc. But of course, time would go by and I would date other ppl and think I got over them and try to forgot, but then I would go home every few months to see my family and see him and everything will come flooding back to my and my feelings still there every single time. This has been the ongoing situation and torment for me for the last 6 yrs or so.I have of course dated and been with other men. But this guy was my first "love" or "crush" or whatever....but unlike most people I have never been able to "move on" no matter what I did as he is always goign to be part of my life! He is such an amazing guy also, we have a good relationship and he suspects nothing of my feelings. Now I am NOT obssessed with him or whatever...like I said, I have had relationships with guys - nice guys also! But every time I see him I am reminded and it comes flooding back to me. I have fancied this guy for about 15 yrs now and no matter what I have done I could never stop fancying him completely.Now he has a new girlfriend. He has never really been a "ladies man" or had many girlfriends etc and this is his first serious one. I have been invited over to the house to have a family dinner as she is going to meet everyone. I can not get out of it and fact is,. I will of course have to eventually meet her.But I an really dreading it. It is going to be very hurtful and painful to see this person I have loved for all these years with someone else. I am not quite sure how to deal with it, but I know it will break my heart even more than it has already been broken. Iknow the day would have come when he would settle with someone.I wish I knew how to get over this! Time hasnt made my feelings go away, even the loveliest boyfriends, trying to make myself feel "sisterly love" or trying to stay away or trying to make my feelings stop. Its quite frustrating and I just dont know what to do anyone. I feel so tormented
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): Hi,
I think the best way for you to get over him is to actually meet his new girlfriend. Maybe when you finally see that he is with someone else, and he is happy with them, you'll be able to realise in your heart that nothing is going to happen between you. I know that this is going to be the most painful and heartbreaking thing, but that's probably what it's going to take to break a crush of 15 years.
All the best x
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