A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello dear all, For many years now I work together with someone in a local cultural institute. While I was young, about 15, he was 21 and I guess our age gap was considered too big, by ourselves and by others. I had a crush on him for years and he had 'many different feelings and a certain attraction' to me, so as he put it himself. years went by with heavy flirting, sometimes hugging, on the verge of kissing and more. And then we both moved on in a certain way. I confessed my years of crushing to him and he admitted his feelings to me. yet it became clear that he found me too young and our perceptions and characters were too different to be compatible. The romantic/sexual tension stayed, however.I agree that I was too young for him and he himself was quite a strange character, but that didn't stop me from having a very, very strong crush and feelings of love for him. I wonder how genuine his feelings could have been and that he really didn't pursue me because of my age. Mind you that in my country, age gaps in the younger groups aren't really frowned upon to a certain extent.Years later, and we still see each other weekly. We both went our own ways, speak each other on formal terms and know that we will never be what could have been. The friendship that we shared, has also gone non-existent.We both have our moments though. I am older and in my final year of college. He is almost entering his thirties. I think the immaturity of my former self has passed for the greater part.I really want to have our friendship back, at the very least. But it's so difficult. It's my own feelings of regret that I could never be with him. I want those to be gone. I also want to get his friendship back without damaging his current relationship with his girlfriend. Maybe I should respect his distance just BECAUSE he has a girlfriend. I am troubled. I want this regret to be gone and just have a normal friendship. Should I just forget about him, leave him alone and his girlfriend?I feel awful that I wasted years of crushing on him. Currently, a good solid friendship with him would make me happy. But am I allowed to? And how? What's best for me?Thank you for your time and advice.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 September 2015):
 *Best:)
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 September 2015):
I wonder really if a friendship with him would give you happiness or would it continue to feed your crush.
You say that you feel awful that you wasted years crushing on him. Okay, you may have some sense that being fixated on him is causing you to miss other things.
You go on ot say that a "good solid friendship with him" would make you happy. But what does that mean to you? What is a good solid friendship?
Are there other people who could provide that kind of friendship for you? Are you ignoring others?
Are you allowed to have a relationship with him? It's a rather odd and strange question. Who is supposed to decide that? From what you've written about this man, he has a girlfriend. So if he chooses not to have you as a friend, isn't that his decision?
You seem to be wasting more time crushing on him. I think the bst thing for you to do is to let go and find other outlets!
Bes wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2015): If your crush wasn't there, it would be okay to maintain friendship; but he has a girlfriend now. It's time you direct your romantic interests to other guys and let go. Don't try to form a phony friendship; when the truth is, you still like him as you always have. His girlfriend will see right through you anyway.
As for sexual-tension? More reason than ever to keep your distance, and move on altogether. It's time to let that old school-girl crush fade into oblivion; and allow yourself to let other guys connect with you. Dragging around a crush is immature, and it's time you take some control over your feelings. Direct them where they will payoff.
See other guys, even if you can't seem to connect. You won't as long as you continue to long and obsess over someone who belongs to someone else now. Friendship is out of the question; because you're really trying to restart something more than that, and you're just looking for an excuse and an opportunity. Be honest with yourself.
Find yourself someone available. It's time to grow-up!
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