A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 2 and a half years. My wife left me 2 months before our second anivarsary. It was for various reasons and there was fault on both sides. I realize this now after several months of counselling. After 4 months we managed to work things out and she moved back home. We also have a 2 year old daughter. Before she left (for about a month) she carried on an emotional affair with a man that worked for her. I did not know about this until later. Two months after she left they started a physical affair (although she kissed him two weeks after she moved out) She did this when things got very nasty between us. I said a lot of things I should never have said out of anger and hurt. She also dated several other guys during this time. She told me all this when she came home and offered to leave if I wanted her to. I love her very much, but am insecure about this happening again in the future. How do I move past that? She told me she is sorry and would not have done it if she had to do it over again. I also have trouble going to any of the places they went to (restaurnts, etc) I still want to beat the crap out of this guy. (I have not been in a fight since 12 years old) How do I move past this? She does not want to go to counselling, but says she is committed to this relationship. Help! Would love to hear from someone who has been there.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): Just a word to men to know- that since it's common with the times for (young)women to be working outside the home, there are guys we come in contact with on a daily basis that are trying to win our heart (or body). And when our husbands are shooting us down at home, we get vulnerable to them.
A
male
reader, roybatty +, writes (5 February 2009):
Try MarriageBuilders.com... there is a lot of help there for men who's wives have had affairs. Your situation is very similar to mine. I was married to my wife for about two years and then we separated. In that time my wife went on dates and finally had a physical affair for a short time. I discovered the affair very early. After some wild emotions swings after I first found out, I finally let my wife know that I really did want her and she dropped the guy and we started working on recovery. The wayward spouse usually wants to quickly put things behind them, but they do owe the betrayed spouse the opportunity to answer any and all questions. It's tough to think about some other guy banging my wife... but I'm dealing with it, trying to understand everything about me and her that led up to the affair. It's only been two months ago for me that this happened.
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A
female
reader, insidebeauty +, writes (7 February 2008):
I have not dealt with this situation personally, but my best guy friend did a few years ago and I was there for him through everything.
I truly believe that it all comes down to You and what type of person you are and what your morals and standards are. Once someone cheats it can mess with your head forever but can You let it go completely and continue your marriage and raising your child together? Give her the benefit of the doubt, forgive completely this one and I mean ONE and only time, and give it one more try. The dating of other guys may be a sort of rebellious act... she's married and has a child... some women (and men) get freaked out and feel trapped... then later regret their acts and realize the best thing they have is at home. If she does it again, she'll keep doing it to you. You'll always be there...
Trust is major! Has she learned a lesson? Go to counseling without her then - you don't want it to effect your child whatsoever. If it starts to, leave.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (7 February 2008):
 Hi, I have not been there but from reading your question, what I feel from your words, is that you love your wife but you have been terribly hurt in this relationship.
I would say that you shouldtake her at her word, try to put her actions behind you. It is very hard to forget, but you must try. It is also good if you both decide together to give the relationship a new start, send her flowers, try to find the excitement that you both had when you first discovered you loved each other. You have something that you both shared at one time, it will not be quite the same, but you can, I believe, renew your love for each other. If you must, go for counseling on your own as itseems you have done, for specific answers for moving past
what has happened. I feel the relationship can grow past what happened but it will take work. We allmake mistakes, some larger than others, but try to repair and
move on if you can. Your famiy is well worth it. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 February 2008):
 I feel very sorry for you. It must be tough going through this.
You are big enough to admit that you were equally to blame for the break up of the relationship. But it must be tough to know that your wife wasted no time in falling into the arms of another man. But some people just need that constant affection and it must hurt badly.
The only real advice I can give you is to not approach this man, fighting him will not solve anything . You need time to heal, analyse your faults and hopefully go into the next relationship with a clear head and a STOP sign in place in your head if you find yourself slipping into old habits. There is a light at the end of the tunnel mate, you just need plenty of time to get over the breakup of your marriage. I dare say your wife will take her time as well and rebound relationships invariably are troublesome.
Just be there for your little girl , she needs her father and don't fall into the trap of being bitter about your wife in front of her, I have met so many screwed up adults who have serious trust issues because their parents argued all the time when they were kids. You wouldn't want that for your daughter would you?
Be strong, and take time.. all the best.
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