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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hey... I have a problem.My boyfriend of 4 months, who I love dearly, is awkward towards me when we talk on the internet. When we're AROUND each other, we're both so happy, and we get along fine - he tells me everything! But when we talk online, we go quiet... my best friend (who knows him) says that he tells her alot of stuff.Once, not too long back, he went to a LAN party, and told her that he almost (ALMOST) cheated on me with a girl there (thankfully, the girl didn't pay any attention to him...), and I just can't seem to get it out of my head...She told me (but I guessed before she did - from an entry on a blog he has... it was very cryptic, and I think he didn't think I would work it out - but I guessed the moment he published it), and now I know. But I would have rather heard it from him, than from her.I wouldn't have gotten mad, I would most DEFINITELY have NOT dumped him, because I really love him alot... but I really want to be able to talk to him.The only problem is, I'm afraid to bring this up. I don't want to cause any awkwardness, and I don't want him to become paranoid, like he did not too long ago (I got really upset when I found out, and he thought it was because he didn't come to see me when he said he would), and start to try and "be there for me" every single possible moment he can.I love him dearly, and I KNOW he loves me - but the lack of communication when we're not around each other really hurts ... How do I bring this up and talk to him about it?Thanks for your time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2005): He didn't flirt - he just ... erm ... got an erection, and kept fantasizing over her. Had she paid any attention to him, he would have probably screwed her senseless...
I guess it hurts so much, because (for a minute during this relationship) he forgot about me completely... T_T
But keep in mind that he felt terribly guilty about it afterwards.
A
reader, pops +, writes (10 December 2005):
He is the one causing the awkwardness, honey, not you. And, He does not LOVE you as much as you think. Otherwise, he would not be flirting with another girl at a party. Seems to me you need to get your sights grounded in reality. He is not the guy for you. Either because he is too young, or because he just doesn't know what he is doing, he is going to hurt you sometime. You don't need that. Find someone else. As for confronting him, do so. Get it out, and off your mind, so you don't spend hours thinking about it again. Learn from his response, because you should see how you have been looking at the world through rose colored glasses for some time, at least where he is concerned. I don't know why a guy can be so open in person,and not on line, but it happens. It usually is the other way. He needs to grow up. Until that happens, he can't be honest with himself, and he certainly cannot be honest with a young woman who loves him. Sorry you are being hurt by this, but if you let it go on any longer, you will only extend the hurt. You are already blaming yourself for things that are his fault. This is not good. Have it out with him. If he is not willing to change his ways, say good bye. You sound like a wonderful girl someone else is just waiting to meet.
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