A
male
age
30-35,
*eddpunk
writes:Dear Cupid, I need help!I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years now, and we are running into so major problems, I will try anything to make it work so please give me your best. Things were going great as usual till about a month's time ago when she went out to a club, had a bit to much to drink, and some guy kissed her. Now I know that it wasn't her fault because I checked with the people who were with her and they confirmed that he kissed her and it was like a two second kiss, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. Since then the drama just poured on. Not two days later she pulled me aside and we talked about going on a break, she said it had nothing to do with what happened and that it was not about other men, it was just about the fact that she has grown simply with me for the past three years, been around my friends, gone to my parties, so on so forth, and now she needs some time to figure out who she is. I thought it was fair, swallowed hard and said okay.It didn't last long, not two nights later we were back together, but things haven't been the same since. Now this is where I need help. I've been doing everything I can think of to make her want to stay with me 100%, I've bought her things that only I know she would like, we spent two nights in a hotel together and I took her to a fancy dinner. I've been txting her love notes all the time, and I'm afraid I mucked up by being too clingy. I took a step back for a bit and tried to give her room to breath, but it's hard because I'm craving her attention and affection so badly now. Now a few nights ago she went out with her girls to the club again, and I told myself I wouldn't get upset or jealous, but I did, I never did anything bad but I couldn't shake the fear that she would cheat again or that something would happen. We spent the last two days together, but the problem is now that she seems so distant. I am very big on physical love, I know she loves me by her kissing me, touching me, sitting with or on me, holding my hand, so on and so forth, but the last two nights she has seemed so distant. She kissed me few times, she held hands bare minimum, she spent time with the other people there more than me. Everywhere I look there are friends of mine being affectionate with one another and it's making me crave it so much more. I want her to get physical with me once more, what in the hell do I do to get her to be that way once more?My fear is that she is getting the physical attention she needs fulfilled at the clubs and that her attraction to me is gone. I will do anything at this point, I just want her to think I'm sexy. Above all I want her to be physical with me again, I need it, it's the one tell tale sign to me that she loves me. Please Help!
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male
reader, Zeddpunk +, writes (19 October 2008):
Zeddpunk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI still need help! Someone please tell me what I can do now that it's gone even further! I can't get through this alone =(
A
male
reader, Zeddpunk +, writes (14 October 2008):
Zeddpunk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell god damnit I guess it doesn't matter anymore now, cause last night I tried to talk to her and new were on a freaking break. She says the first one wasn't enough time and the only reason I'm not okay with it this time is I don't want to see her with another man. She says she's changed and so have her feelings and that it's nothing to do with me. But the part that hurts the most is her feelings may have changed, but I'm still in love with her completely, and if I saw her with another man I don't know what the hell I would do with myself!!!! I need her back!!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): Hi thereI think you just need to take a step back. If your girlfriend asked for a break only a month ago she is probably still in need of some alone time. It is understandable; when you are in an intense relationship for a long time and you become very close, at some point you might be feeling like you're losing yourself. This is natural and is not necessarily something to be alarmed about. It doesn't mean that she doesn't love you or that she wants to be rid of you - she may just need to breath. Now, I don't mean to sound condescending, but as you are both very young still, this is also the time when the both of you are going through big changes and your personality is constantly altering; you are growing into the person you are meant to be. Your gf may be going through said changes and might be slightly confused with herself. It is necessary and healthy to ponder these things and when it is happening, you must respect it and give her space. Why not take time to ponder your own life outside the relationship? Do things that you enjoy - you can and you must do things on your own/with other people as well. As for your craving of physical contact, in your situation I think it is essential that you don't put any kind of pressure on her about it. I totally understand your need for closeness really I do. But I think this dilemma calls for the same remedy; go out with your friends, see your family, have some alone time. Give her a chance to miss you. If you pull back gracefully, concentrate on other things and let her take the reigns and approach you when she feels ready, I believe it will get better. I am definetely not saying you should break up with her. Just ease up a bit.As for the club thing, I wouldn't read too much into it. If you have doubts about her fidelity, do not bring them up unless you think you have good reason to doubt her. It may cause unnecessary friction between you two if you question her without the data to back it up. From what you have written I get the sense that you don't really doubt her fidelity anyways, I think you are just scared of losing her because you love her and that is natural. But once again, give it time, give her space. If you and your gf nurture other aspects of your lives and recharge yourselves whilst not spending so much time together, I think it will be all the better when you do get together.Remember, communication is the key, but not everything has to be said out loud. You can let your actions speak. Hers will too.I hope this helps a bit, best of luck to you, take care and keep us posted on how things are going!Loads of hugsLorelaixxx
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