A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:How to get closure when husband's young EA lover keeps him hanging on?I recently found out my husband, 58, of 30 years, had been having an emotional affair for the last 18 months with a young female friend, 28, who already has a live in boyfriend. Recently it seems it escalated to actual hugging and kissing in his car. My husband insists that she instigated it and he has never gone beyond the boundaries she imposed. He says he fell for her the day they met, 2 years ago, and has only wanted to be with her ever since, but did not think it was going anywhere until she started to get physical about three months ago. When I found out and confronted him, he got very upset and decided to leave me to be with her. Only she turned him down and said he was too old and she was staying with her BF. She was also nervous about whether I would tell BF, I said no if affair ended. My husband was distraught at rejection and we are no longer a couple but he is currently staying in spare room while he finds a place to live as he only wants to be with her, no one else. However although she told him no full time relationship, she will not leave husband alone, keeps texting him and inviting him out. And he is not going No Contact, because he is so desperate to be with her. Not sure what she is up to. He is not rich or handsome and I really cannot see what is in it for her. Want to get some closure but difficult with weeping husband hanging around. Anyone got any insight, comments?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): You need to divorce him ASAP and sever all ties with him (as much as possible if you have children together).
The only closure you need, is to know that his heart has not been with you for a long time now. He fell for someone else and at least he was honest enough to admit that he only wants her and no one else. It would be FAR WORSE if he told you to your face that he wants to stay with you yet behind your back continued trying to be with her, which is the way of most men who have affairs. In a way it is good that he decided to leave you to be with her, because that way he is at least not yanking you around misleading you, sneaking around behind your back for longer and wasting even more of your time.
You do not need to concern yourself with what he is doing with her and what she intends with him. That is their problem between the two of them, it's not your problem anymore if you divorce him. You need not concern yourself with what he is thinking or doing anymore.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 December 2012):
 Kick the sad, pathetic, loser out the door! What a pathetic excuse for a person he is! Do not allow him to walk all over you by staying in your house. He made his bed, now he can go lie in it, wherever that is.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (12 December 2012):
 "He is not rich or handsome and I really cannot see what is in it for her."
Daddy issues - As disgusting as that sounds, she sees him as some sort of father figure
Everyone here is correct - As long as he is living in your home, still in contact with her, and pining for her, you'll never have closure. It's time he put on his "big boy" undies and move out, you've made it far too easy on him.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 December 2012):
 Oh brother. Escort him to the door, go find a great lawyer and get on with the next chapter of your life ASAP.
YOU make your closure. I expect the lawyer will have some very pertinent advice for you. Go make that call, today.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 December 2012):
 I'm in total agreement, kick the S.O.B. out, get the best lawyer his money can afford and file for divorce. There can be no closure until you remove him, as much as possible, from your life. Time's a wasting.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 December 2012):
 I would quite honestly kick him out. Christmas or no Christmas. That is just ridiculous behavior for a grown man.
I would also (for YOUR peace and quiet) tell he if she doesn't stop texting/calling your husband you will call HER BF. Normally I am not all fury, but she is seriously nuts and sorry so is your husband.
The fact that YOU are taking this so calmly has my utter respect. I would have put all his clothes on the lawn and build a bonfire.
You will not get any closure while this circus is still going on and I'm sorry to say it might take years to get actual closure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012):
May I ask, why your letting your lying cheating hubby stay even in the spare room..
He will never respect you, unless you respect yourself.. My reactions to his lying cheating deceitful, in my face duck you attitude would be to sling his ass out the house and make sure he did not worm his way back in..
Your being played as a fool ..
Please believe more in yourself to let him treat you like this
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