A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice on how I should go aboutgaining closure. I need to fully get over this guy from my past and the regret along with the "what-ifs" are driving me crazy. The thoughts of him are not a constant thing but it does happen once in a while, even at times when it can cause problems with my other romantic relationships. The story behind it is really long so forgive me. I just think it's necessary that you know EVERYTHING to really help me. I thank you for your advice in advance:) Basically, it started when we were in the 7th grade, he really liked me and I secretly liked him but with such strict parents I couldn't even think of boys so I was really mean to him to put him off. It was easier for me, being that we were the two smartest students in the class so I turned it into a competition type thing. He left after that year and I was very sad that he was leaving but I still didn't reveal my feelings.Years later, when I still hadn't forgot about him yet I was living my life, we were in high school. Different schools but we both still talked to our mutual friends, (but not each other) we asked about each other through the grapevine, and finally we exchanged numbers through a friend. I was a very shy person (still am a bit) and he on the other hand was very aggressive. I think it amused him that in a way I was still playing hard to get. But I did flirt a little. I even told him that those times I was being mean to him in the seventh grade, I actually liked him. He laughed it off and of course didn't believe me. (I wouldn't believe me either.) We lost touch but he just kept coming back...By my last year of high school, I was graduating, getting ready to go off to college. My godbrother was graduating as well so I went and guess whose school was having a joint ceremony? It was the first time seeing him since we were little and all the feelings I had came rushing back tenfold. It didn't help any that he looked so good and he was graduating valedictorian :( We saw each other and he told me how beautiful I was and gave me a great big hug so I gave him my number and jokingly threatened him if he didn'tcall me lol. We talked once or twice after that and I thought we might be able to get together during the summer but we were both leaving for summer programs for our colleges and our schedules wouldn't make that easy. So that was that until... I was in my third year of college when he surprisingly calls my dorm room to ask me for a favor in regards to an event he was holding at my school but we still talked for a couple of hours and I was so happy he looked me up. He told me he would be on my campus and he wanted to see me but at that time I was working and I couldn't make it...So bottom line, you see the pattern. Even if I wanted it to, it was obviously not meant to be because it just never followed through despite us both having reached out or random occurances where we run into each other. And every so often he pops up in my head but I don't do anything about it but torture myself. We're still "friends" on two different networking sites but we've lost touch and it's been years since I've spoken to him. I'm single now but even at the beginning of my last relationship, it was an issue and my ex thought I'd leave him for this ongoing crush. There's no closure and I want it but a part of me still wonders what could have been. Last time I checked, he was doing really well. What should I do? Please help and again, thanks for taking the time out to answer.
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crush, exchanged numbers, flirt, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): There is no right answer.
My gut instinct is go and talk to him directly - drive down to him and force him to talk, if you like. Your imagination is using the unknowns, the possibility that is there maybe and it is blocking you moving forward.
You are in love with an image, not a reality. Get a reality check, by reality itself.
It maybe that he is feeling the same for you, you will never know unless you try. If on the other hand, as most probably is the case he doesn't or when you actually talk to him again in depth you may realise he isn't what you want - then you will have solved the problem.
You wont rest until you do this. Give your self peace by either confining this to the past or getting on with it.
If you spend your life at the cross-roads you will get run over......
Good luck
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