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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 34 and met this guy over 2 years ago, and fell big time for him - everyine warned me whathe was like i.e. totally not looking for a relationship and would mess my head around with his mind games! now 2 years on, I have slept with him numerous times, done things with him I've never done with anyone else... the sexual side of things was brilliant for the first 16 monts, then bit by bit he started losing interest and I am convinced he is seeing someone else but when have confronted him he denies and says what does it matter anyway when we aren't in that sortof a relationship.He tells me he's physically attracted to me, but it's always me making the effort, then every now and again a short burst from him. I have tried so hard to move on before, but when we've bumped into each other it starts over again even though I try hard to resist.I've ben through agonies, texting him over the top messages, writing to him... I just can't seem to get the guy out of my head once and for all.It hurts so much, I want to forget and find soemone that ants me for me. can you give me some advice apart from time is a great healer, cos it's not!!!!
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female
reader, anon2907  +, writes (8 October 2006):
 Hey,
I'm not clear from your post whether you guys are together or not. You imply you are by talking about the first 16 months and then imply the opposite talking of when you bump into one another.
The way I'm seeing it, is that you're in a relationship that's not working, but you're not really convinved that it's never going to work. I feel you're still holding onto the hope that it can work out.
So to resolve this you need to take some control. Do you want to be with him? Or do you want to split. Pick one. This isn't going to work with both!
OK, you pick option 1, you want to be with him. Cool, go for it, tell him how you feel, what you want for now and for the future. But here's the clincher...... decide how long you have to wait if he doesn't deliver what you want from him. Will it be a week? A month? A year? A decade? Do you want to look back and wonder who or what you wasted the last ten years on? Be careful with your future!
Say you go for option 2. You want out. You've decided. Avoid situations where you'll 'bump' into him. Hang out with your friends in new places. You said everyone warned you against him - well these 'everyone' can now stand by your side when you want to move on. Cliche time: Time IS a great healer, but it doesn't work by itself. You've got to move on as well.
I hope you can work this out.
Good luck with whichever option you choose!
Anon2907
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