A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay here's my problem.There's a boy that I think I'm in love with. I've always told myself that there's no way I could love him because you can't love somebody you can't trust and you can't love somebody that can't love you back. It's so confusing to me why I even still like this person after what he's done to me.I completely understand that this boy is 100% toxic to me (theres a very long story background, if you want to know it i could fill you in) and doesn't treat me well. I know that he's what you would call an "asshole" and for a reason that is completely lost on me, i still care about him. I don't ever want to lose him as a friend. i love hooking up with him (he uses me for hookups to help him get over his ex). i love being around him. i don't ever want to date him because he loves playing games with my head too much and would be absolutely terrrrrible boyfriend for multiple reasons. but i CARE about him. it makes me sad when i think he's sad, and i feel like i'd want to help him if i ever could. i feel like his parents' relationship is why he is this way and i just wish i could help him. he pretends to always be happy but i feel like there's a pain in him i wish i could alleviate.I could neverrrr tell him any of this. our relationship is already so incredibly screwed up by everything we've gone through plus i know i'm not the girl for him. i realize that when he's hooking up with me he's thinking about his ex girlfriend (the girl he was completely, head over heels in love with). i know he could never feel about me the way he felt about her. i'm too self-conscious around him and have trouble opening up to him. i don't feel any sense of trust toward him. i'm just so incredibly confused on how i could see this situation and still have these feelings. i have no idea what to do about them. i don't want to tell him how i feel because we have the same circle of friends and it would make things so awkward for everyone. we never have deep conversations about anything. how can i feel so deeply for someone that's been terrible to me and doesn't feel the same way toward me as i do to him? please help me i'm so lost :(ps: he was never ever abusive towards me or anyone (i realized i made it kind of sound like he was that way) and we never officially dated. we were sort of together briefly two years ago and i think there's been an unspoken tension between us after that ended but my feelings for him never went away.
View related questions:
ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much for those answers! i really have taken what you said to heart and i'll think about what i'll do about my situation. thanks again :)
A
female
reader, Sally_A  +, writes (4 January 2011):
there is this sort of weird enigma, we tend to love people who are (or we think) are unobtainable, we even love them more when they hurt us, when they break our hearts. no one knows why that happens... but i can assure you, that that;s just a stageif you think someone is way out of reach... u'll start thinking about him... (start thinking: why ? why he doesn't want me too ? am i not enough for him? there is nothing wrong with me ! so why won't he love me?! ) and than ur inner ego will starts speaking up! u'll try to have him, cz you won't accept that u can't have himbut by the time you realise that it isn't about you, or when you understand that he's not that good for you( or even if you succeeded having him as ur bf) u'll lose ur interest... cuz by that time u would have achieved ur goal, and that's having the unreachable, unobtainable, out of league, and unallowed person/thingit's like wanting a new pricy cellphone/ dress (or anything else), at first u'll think it looks good, than u'll start thinking about it, and u'll want it more and more! and become obsessed with it! u'll google its pics, u'll start going to the shop where u saw it, just to see if it's sold out... and u'll save for months to get that F**** cellphone! BUT once u'll have it... u'll enjoy it the first few days, than u'll start seeing all the bad stuff about it... the unwanted stuff... the things it'll look better with/ without... and THAN u'll know it's just as any other phone, it has alot of unwanted stuff, and u'll start to lose interestWE LOVE PEOPLE who NEGLECT US! we love people who hurt us, we love people who break our heartsBUT that's just the first phase of it... and than we'll lose interrest (even if it has been a year or even yearS, as long as u're seeing him everyday, you won't let ur head work and let you see the BAD STUFF with this boy...option nb 1:i think you should tell him! you should have the B***LS to talk to him and tell him what you feel , or else u'll be feeling like this foreveroption nb 2:you should forget about him and move on, or else u'll also be feeling like this foreveri hope i helped... tc and please keep us informed about what you decide to do... tc
...............................
A
female
reader, Sally_A +, writes (4 January 2011):
there is this sort of weird enigma, we tend to love people who are (or we think) are unobtainable, we even love them more when they hurt us, when they break our hearts. no one knows why that happens... but i can assure you, that that;s just a stage
if you think someone is way out of reach... u'll start thinking about him... (start thinking: why ? why he doesn't want me too ? am i not enough for him? there is nothing wrong with me ! so why won't he love me?! ) and than ur inner ego will starts speaking up! u'll try to have him, cz you won't accept that u can't have him
but by the time you realise that it isn't about you, or when you understand that he's not that good for you( or even if you scceeded having him as ur bf) u'll lose ur interrest... cz by that time u would have achieved ur goal, and that's having the unreachable, unobtainable, out of league, and unallowed person/thing
it's like wanting a new priecy cellphone/ dress (or anything else), at first u'll think it looks good, than u'll start thinking about it, and u'll want it more and more! and become obsessed with it! u'll google its pics, u'll start going to the shop where u saw it, just to see if it's sold out... and u'll save for months to get that F**** cellphone! BUT once u'll have it... u'll enjoy it the first few days, than u'll start seeing all the bad stuff about it... the unwanted stuff... the things it'll look better with/ without... and THAN u'll know it's just as any other phone, it has alot of unwanted stuff, and u'll start to lose interest
WE LOVE PEOPLE who NIGLECT US! we love people who hurt us, we love people who break our hearts
BUT that's just the first phase of it... and than we'll lose interrest (even if it has been a year or even yearS, as long as u're seeing him everyday, you won't let ur head work and let you see the BAD STUFF with this boy...
option nb 1:
i think you should tell him! you should have the B***LS to talk to him and tell him what you feel , or else u'll be feeling like this forever
option nb 2:
you should forget about him and move on, or else u'll also be feeling like this forever
i hope i helped... tc and please keep us informed about what you decide to do...
tc
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): first of all just because someone doesnt physically abuse you doesnt mean that there cant be emotional abuse....that being said people always feel the need to fix someone they care about ...the only person who can save them is themselves.i think people can love without being loved. its called unconditional love and compasion for another. i would disatnce yourself, do whats right for you dont worry about this boy so much, in time he will figure things out. if he needs you he will tell you but you should put yourself out there to be waled all over....you can love someone from afar...life hurts and we always want what we cant have...im sure you deserve someone who will treat you right
...............................
|
