A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So as a back story before I begin this, I suffered a lot of emotional abuse as a child. I noticed as I grew up that I was essentially looking for my step dad in my boyfriends, so two years ago I decided to take a break from relationships to work on myself. Last summer after I decided that I had done a lot of healing and come very far, I met my boyfriend. Feeling comfortable enough to get into a relationship, I did. He's an overall good guy, spoils me rotten and genuinely cares about me. It does bug me, however, that between seeing each other twice a week, I literally don't hear from him, at all. Also, he recently went on vacation. When he came back he told me right away that in his group he was hanging out with there was a girl, and he hung out with her. I brushed it off, but I can't help but let my old insecurities take a hold of me. I have already been feeling a bit insecure about the relationship, but I've always chalked it up that I need a bit more reassurance than the average girl in a relationship. I know I need to speak to him about all this, but I guess what I'm really looking for is advice as to how to do it. I've been through therapy for my past trauma but unfortunately can no longer afford to continue to do it. I want this relationship to work, but know it won't if I don't even feel comfortable enough to speak to him about something as miniscule as speaking a bit more. I know it's a problem that shouldn't bug me as much as it does, but when I see him going out with his friends days and days in a row but can go up to a week without seeing me, I get hurt. I haven't talked much about my past to him either, as I've been afraid that seeing how, for lack of a better term, broken I still am even after a lot of healing, it will be too much for him to bear and he will leave. So after this jumbled mess of a post I guess there are 2 things I would like advice on: how can I effectively communicate my insecurities to my boyfriend and should I bring up my past and how? Again I'm sorry for the jumbled nature of this post, but appreciate any of you who read it.
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (10 March 2012):
 I think that you should be honest and tell him you'd like to hear from him more. it's not unreasonable to ask that your boyfriend calls you more than twice a week. I would be so sad if I didn't hear from my partner at least every other day. Twice a week is like..."person I'm casually seeing". Then see if he agrees and follows through before you talk to him about your life. Right now it seems like he isn't really making you a priority. If he steps it up and sees/talks to you more often, you can share with him down the road about your past. But if he resists getting more involved with you, save your breath, because you will be wasting it on someone who is not that into you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): I'm so sorry about the emotional abuse you faced as a child. I have similair problems with men and my self confidence and I understand how you feel. I think you should say that you would like to see him/talk to him more because you miss him. Before you tell him about your past consider how long have you known him and how well do you trust him. If you haven't known him that long, I would wait about telling him about my past. However, I would say something like "when I don't see you for fill in the blank days, I miss you. I wish we could spend more time/talk more...." I'm sure whatever you decide will be a good decision! Good luck
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