A
female
age
41-50,
*tars20
writes:Hello Agany aunts and uncles,I am in need of a wake up call before I trip again and fall into failure. I NEED A WAKE UP CALL!!! Why do I continue to hurt and continue to feel a hint of desire for this monster? What is going on with me? I need to stop, please read below, it truly happened, agony aunts replied and I answered. Am I really guilty? Was it all my fault? Am I the problem? What guarantee do I have that my life would continue? I feel like I'm drowning. Every day that pass by I regret losing him, the family we could have been. I get flash backs when we were intimate, his face, his lips, how his eyes closed in bliss and I can't imagine to see another woman in my place. I truly loved this man, and I need to be strong because I can't allow to be withered by him once more. I begin to wish none of this ever happened, I want to release every feeling of need that remains in me. That was why I used to always go back to him. I forgave him for every insult, because he was the man for me. His absence makes me think he might be with her, in the night I imagine him in her arms, what I knew of him, she knows. I wonder if she forgave him. How can I detoxify myself from him? Especially when I live a life in solace, no other man surrounds me other than him. I haven't been able to move on. Not because I don't want to but I am not surrounded by men. I start to feel jealousy, why did he choose her over me? What does she have that I don't? I tried to be the best I can to satisfy him. Why is he doing this to me? Am I less of a woman than her? I am withering into a person I never imagined to be. Just because she is four years younger than me, he has made it a big deal and has called me an old woman. And so she did during a conversation. My face has automatically turned into a frown. I can't recognize myself anymore. I wish I could turn back time and never met this person.A female reader, Stars20 +, writes (9 April 2009):what do you think about a man who went out with his new fling and ex wife, both women confronted each other, he bashed his ex with his new fling, then has the nerve to ask his ex for another sexual encounter? What to advice the ex who still feels hurt?Stars20 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks anonymous for the reply. I had to agree with you when you wrote that he is mentally insane. I started to remember many things. When he and I were waiting at court to be called, he sat on one bench across the room from me. I literally saw him talking to himself, gazing to floor and with a really creepy grin on his face. I couldn't believe what I saw.When we met, he told me a secret. He told me that he was sexually molested by a male family member. Not even his mother knows about this. On another occasion he commented how he saw the tip of the devil's tail under the bed. I didn't believe him. When I got pregnant he disappeared. No one knew where he was. Later he called, and confessed that he was about to commit suicide from throwing himself off a bridge. He was also found on a roof top and apprehended. On that occassion he used many excuses. I feel he never wanted to take me seriously and my pregnancy was "a no way out" for him. When we met I noticed he had many fruity male friends. He had a stay over with a really gay friend, who even his mother commented on how uncomfortable she felt about it. I wish I knew more of his life before meeting him. I wonder if I was the culprit to all this. One night we were watching a favorite sex channel which he always spoke about. It was about amateurs who stripped. I was horrified to see male strippers and to know that this is the program he always spoke about. But how can I speculate his sexuality when he was with another woman? I'll tell you, years has passed and I still carry this pain around. I can't find answers. I can't find reasons to why he rejected me so much, to why he abandoned me and his son, to why to everything! I can't live a normal life. A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009):Sadly he is clearly mentally disturbed and needs professional help - his actions are all about control and sexual and emotional abuse - if you have not already google these. You have suffered from his actions but you do not need to suffer any more. Just think - you are free day to day of him and you can change your life. You just need an awful lot of support from people who understand what you have been through. Find that help it is out there. If you manifest things internally it gets worse and you will be ill. You don't need to be a 'victim' as the very best way you can get your revenge on this sick man is to create a great life for yourself and get your self worth back on track. When you have that he will absolutely KNOW he cannot get you back. As you are you are vulnerable to his taunts. You are too young to give up on life. 12345 -- Rate this answer ............................... A female reader, Stars20 +, writes (9 April 2009):Stars20 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to moderators for reposting my original title.12345 -- Rate this answer ............................... A female reader, Stars20 +, writes (9 April 2009):Stars20 is verified as being by the original poster of the question(Ummm, I don't know but the moderators in this site totally distorted my original title to my post. Just to clarify to our agony aunts, my ex didn't "publically" humiliated me. It was all done via text messages and phone call between me and that other woman. I have never seen her. She would write messages expressing things he asked her to write while he was next to her. My original title to the post was "Still Hurting", because that's how I still feel like.)He did humiliate me in front of her, and he directly hurted me via telephone calls. He had the nerve to call me, I turned him down the next day when he insisted. Ever since, I've denied to answer his calls. He calls, and I hang up. Not because I am scared of that other woman, but because I felt it was the last straw to the humiliation! I haven't seen him, he has given up on his son and in some way I thank god, because he never had the intention. Sometimes, I feel bad because I think he decided to be with her. Or to be the family man (with her) that I always wanted him to be. Mind you, he was having sex with me while being in a relationship with her. After all, she spoke to me and expressed how deceptioned she was of him and that it was not worth it. Through all this, I still wonder if she forgave him, if they're together, why does he try to contact me?(I noticed that he tries to contact me via phone calls at least monthly, my disgust is so deep that I hang up the phone on him) My brain automatically takes me back to every detail of that confrontation and I start to feel horribly upset. If I could digg my nails in his face and beat all the pain he left in me on him, I would. But I am not going to make a mistake and loose my freedom. I just pray that he repent for all the pain, the abandonment, the deception, the humiliation, the anger, the solace...everything !!! In the end, I noticed that his emotional and psychological abuse started before the other woman came in. I remember when my son was an infant, and he kicked us both out in the middle of the night, constantlly leaving me to sleep alone while he slept in the couch. When i would look for him he would literally push me out of the couch. I remeber the cops knocking my door with court orders, I remember how he used the court to see me cry in front of a judge, begging for them not to take my son as he ordered. He did not have compassion for me. It hurts to care for an infant alone, being a first time mother and suffering from post partum depression. He would hear me cry in the room and continue to eat and laugh. Then he gave me a divorce, and continued to use my son to manipulate me. I would begg him, and he would close doors on my face, hang up the phone on me in the middle of conversations. He knew I was in borderline depression. I wonder if he tried to push me as far so I can end my life??!! In the end, he told me of that other woman. He would say horrible sexual things about her. Of her incapabilities as a woman to satisfy his desires, and I would comply just to win over, just to see if he would change and come back to me and his son. He did not, just as he bad mouthed her, he spoke attrosities of me with her. Now, this is what fuels my anger. I can't imagine him going around living a wonderful life. Do demonds always get what they want? Wash their hands clean and move on? What about those who are left behind, withered in pain and abandoned? Where is life's justice?
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divorce, emotionally abusive, ex-wife, his ex, jealous, move on, my ex, revenge, stripper, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): Hi
Where is the justice? In your own spirit...withered in pain.... rise in strength . He chewed you up and spat you out then washed his hands. If you LOVE then you can find your spirit to heal. He can not make you end your life....THAT WOULD BE YOU RESPONSIBLE.
You miss the point the next stage is REBIRTH the strength to rebuild...don't fail right at the last.....suicide is not JUSTICE it is not your answer....and if you have the vision of him weeping and feeling regret and guilt....the reality is YOU take away the mother of your children ....fanily...you change generations of possibilities and HE WILL LIVE HAPPY EVER AFTER....HE MAY WEEP FOR A DAY. You will find no JUSTICE in suicide or revenge.
Crushed and lifeless ...defeated?
The spell you think this man has is the power you give him....Why not make Easter a personal resurrection ....and choose GROWTH ....withering is for the dying and your not!
Happy Easter...go buy yourself an easter egg and dance through life....you'll always get some misery try and trip you up, learn to dance.....You may meet your TRUE soulmate.
via con dios.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): He's not worth your tears.He doesn't deserve you. Move on. Lifes too short. It may seem hard at first but it WILL get easier!!! best wishes from a british girl :)
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