A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey ok i need your help to get over this because i've got to the point now where i can't cope with it anymore. How do i cope with the fact he doesn't have feelings for me after all this?? I'm sorry if this runs out to be very long i juts need some honest opinions and so you need to know the whole story really. Well to let you know whats gone off so that you'll understand it more, basically i had a lot of feelings or this lad and he showed extremely strong signs that he had feelings for me. He stuck up for me once when others put me down, he seemed very different with me when he spoke to me, he used to stare at me loads and used to give me deep eye contact, sometimes he'd move his head if i looked at him and other times he just keep staring at me. So you can see why i thought he liked me and also some things that other people had said hinted he liked me(like poeple saying he likes you best and i'm sure on valentines day one mate of ours looked at me and said tell her and he went birght red and they were laughing abit) and a friend kept saying that he liked me because he could tell(and he's been right every other time he thought people like each other) But also one bit that confuses me is that when people hinted he liked me they could have just been doing it outta spite because they knew i liked him but then if it was that then he wouldn't have kept showing the signs+at that time i didn't show that i liked him. Well it turns out that he doesn't have feelings for me. Now this is the thing he wasn't asked directly my friends juts said what do you think of her cuz i've noticed she isn't treated that fairly(which i'm not in class) and he said how he'll stick up for anyone and treat them equally because he's religious(although i've seen him pick on another lad in our class) and then he said he doesn't have feelings for me, which he must have just assumed thats what he was asking him and then after that my mate told the lad i liked that i did like him as more than a friend and the lad said that he won't tell anyone but if he's being honest he's choosing to stay single so won't go out with me. Although at the end of that he did say don't tell her but my mate did because i wanted to see the whole converstaion that had took place. This is what confuses me and makes it so much harder because he says he doesn't but then again whats with all the VERY strong signs and he does still stare at me sometimes now, not as much as he used to but now he know i wouldn't expecting to.I really need help though because a part of me is still holding on to the fact he likes me and to be honest if it had been the other way round and i was being asked what i thought of him i wouldn't of admitted liking him and then at the same time i wouldn't bother showing the signs as much and trying to get him to see that i liked him because i'd feel more comfortable and happier knowing he does like me and so if i was to tell him there could be a chnace.As you can see i'm extremely confused with all this and it hasn't helped that since finding out i've been watching how he is with other people, now some of the signs i can kinda see that i took them the wrong way but the main thing i've noticed especially with the staring and some other stuff like the way he used to talk to me, it was only me he did that to and was directly aimed at me, he didn't do that to other people and these stares were just very deep and meaningful. He is a really nice lad in general and i'm so greatful for the fact he hasnt told anyone because my mate did say don't tell anyone and don;t hate her for it which he hasn't but he also said if he wanted to tlk to me about it on my own he could but he ahsn't which i'm glad about because that could be awkward. So please help me i'm so confused over whtehr he does like me but also finding it so hard to be with him most days a week and be his friend knowing that we won't be anything mroe than that. Its got to the point where he's the only thing i go to college for and its affecting my work as well as making me very depressed. hes the only lad i've ever really loved, tis gone from a pathetic crush to this in the space of 6 months, yes thats how long its gone on for!!So how could i gte over this, cope with it and move on, i dont wnat to find someone else because ive nevr wanted a bf just he was an exception. I see why he wants to stay single like he's going travelling in the summer before next year at college starts, to be honest i'd rather stay single because its your life then so i can see where he's coming from. So please help me deal with this! So what do you think? Sorry this was so long.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): Appreciate the fact that he was honest, and value him as a good sincere friend.
You can have lots of good fun and laughs as friends.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (8 June 2008):
 He sounds like a decent guy and he probably does have some feelings for you but if he stated he wants to stay single, then that is what he will do. You can not force the guy to want more or to like you as you like him.
It is true that when we want something bad enough we make mistakes (or fools of ourselves) so my advice to you would be to try and let go of these feelings. Guys can tell when we "like them too much" and it becomes a negative to them when we "appear" to be desperate. So try to forget about a relationship with him or whether or not he likes you. It doesn't matter if he does because he wants to be single. You will make youself sick with worries about that one.
Try to be his friend and enjoy his company. Sometimes guys shy away from girls who are reported to like them so don't be surprised if he is standoffish of you at first. But remember, he has said he wants to remain single so do not think you can change that. It won't work if you force yourself on him.
take care,
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