A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello.I am 25 years old and I am a university student and recently I broke up from a 4 and a half years of relationship and am about in 2 days to move out from my boyfriend's house.Around October I fell in love with one of my classmates. We were friends and I we were helping each other with studying on an everyday basis. He never showed me that he fancied me and we never flirted.Couple of weeks ago (before I split with my bf) I called him and asked him to go out for a drink with me. At the end of the night we kissed. I have to confess I slightly forced the situation but he didn't say no either. Due to transportation problems he had to sleep at my place for the night and next day go home.I was feeling quite bad about what it happened and I called him the same day to ask him to keep what we had on hold until I break up and then continue it as friends or perhaps more. He agreed to go by the flow.I kept my word.. but he has started being slighly distant and less keen to talk to me than before. He is still close though and helping me move out but his interest has gone down.I asked him if he had any other gf or he had feelings for any other woman and he said that I was the only one he fancied since the first day he saw me. But he could not do anything because he was not searching for a relationship for the moment.I truly want him and I would like to start a relationship with him. How could I bring him closer to me and make him change his mind about relationships?
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female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (24 February 2008):
this guy is being careful and considerate to you given the fact you have recently broken up. He obviously does not want to enter into a relationship with a girl on the rebound as he does not want to be dumped or used. Remember you guys kissed while still in a relationship so he may have fears that you may do the same once you see someone else you like. Give your ex relationship time to heal and give this possible new relationship time to grow. He needs time to see what you will do and you need time to heal. Do not be in a rush to formulate a relationship and remember that you are a whole person without being in a relationship and that a partner does not complete you but fufills you and enhances you. Be patient. He sounds like he wants to give you time to heal. Some guys would just jump in and not care but he obviously does. Be patient and try not to read too much into his behaviour as he may see you as needy. Biggest turn off to a male. Slow and steady wins the race.
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