A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have often the confidence to be quite witty and use my sense of humour to speak and talk when needed to although I am a shy and quite person . I have realised that I tend to be confident and talkative in situations were most people are probably not I cant really think of any examples to give though . I am confident when perhaps being straight to the point , expressing my opinions and not being hesitant to show of my sense of humour although most people never get it . However I feel shy and quiet in the majority of social situations and everyday activities such as meeting new people , asking for a bus tickets , ordering food , when people come over and talk to me in a club and other similar situations . Im wondering how I can become more confident in these situations and how I can use the confidence I already have in regards to my sense of humour and being witty so I don't feel as shy and reserved when meeting new people and finding topics of conversation to talk about .
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female
reader, Blod +, writes (3 October 2018):
 There’s a good chance I will overload you with information here. I can relate a lot to what you're saying, and I can tell you for certain that there are plenty of other people who feel the same way! There are (very) many people who get nervous and shy in social situations, even though they're absolutely fine in other situations. These are the things that have helped me.
Firstly, remember that confidence is mostly an act. I can guarantee you that lots of people aren't as confident as they make out. They just appear confident. No one actually knows what's going on in your mind or how you're feeling. So if you act confident, there’s nothing to say to others that you’re actually nervous. Confidence is about faking it ‘til you make it.
When you meet new people, be polite, friendly and ask them a few questions. Try to focus on them and listen to what they’re saying. This will distract you from being so self-conscious of yourself and you’ll find it easier to ask questions and say the right things. People are usually more concerned about how they’re coming across than the way others behave anyway, so chances are they’re not paying as much attention to you as you might think. As for your sense of humour, don't be afraid to say something witty if the opportunity arises. Humour is a great ice-breaker and a laugh will boost your confidence.
The same applies if you're approached in a club, although it is entirely up to you how you respond here. If you hit it off, things will flow naturally. If not, no worries; you don't owe them anything. Find a line you can use to leave and move on. But really, who doesn't get nervous when they're approached in a club? It's definitely normal to be a little nervous!
With ordering food, asking for a ticket, etc, have it in your mind what you're going to say and use your manners - like a script. Then just do it. Those conversations rarely become elaborate but if they do, just be polite.
Don’t be too hard on yourself though. It’s great that you’re able to express yourself confidently in other situations – not many people are able to do that, and it proves that you definitely have it in you. Confidence comes with time – like a muscle, it develops the more you practice it. So keep going. I'm sure your wit and sense of humour will come shining through!
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2018): I need to add that I feel you might be considering travelling to meet some one you dont actually know such as off the internet, a dating app, someone you are not sure of and in these circumstances you can also get cognitive dissonance.This is your intuition telling you not to go and I strongly advise you to listen to your intuition and to not go.In these circumstances someone can be trying to encourage you to do simething that you know in your heart is not good for you.And they have broken it down into small parts like getting a bus, buying a meal, taking a plane or a train.You know in your head that you have the capacity to do these small parts but your intuition has kicked in to tell you not to do it.In other words it would be very unsafe to do this journey.You interpret it to thinking that you lack the confidence to do it, but it is not that.You have an intuitive gift that keeps reminding you that it is not a good thing to follow through with the plan as it could compromise your safety.The other person will keep telling you that you should do it.Hence you get cognitive dissonance.You need to disassociate from this contact and stick with those you can trust.You have to listen to your own inner voice of common sense and follow that and not be swayed by what may be a false allure.So dont doubt yourself.Jyst respect yourself enough to say 'That is not for me! Its not about the small parts of the journey and in this case I will listen to my intuition and cut off the person who is making me feel that they can direct or misdirect my life!'This is not about confidence but about commonsense and the ability to say 'I will not be making this journey '
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2018): I think you are doing ok in life but although you have a very sharp sense of humour and can have a good laugh with those that share it, you are for some reason focusing on yourself in normal situations and considering yourself inadequate.This may be something you have learned when younger and I want to direct you to watch youtube inner integration videos by Meridith Miller.Here she explains why some people feel they are inadequate, largely because they have been conditioned into believing that.Even if it is irrelevant to you it is fascinating stuff.I am sending you to these videos because it sounds as if you have cognitive dissonance which is where you have two conflicting attitudes about some perfectly normal situations after having been undermined to the point where you no longer trust your own feelings.It seems to me that this is where you are at and even if not, as you come across as a very thoughtful and deep thinking individual, I feel you will find many grains of truth wrapped up in the general concept.Take a lesson a day and see if you find it enlightening.I am confident that you will enjoy it and gain life long tools for judging situations on their own merit.Good Luck! You are not alone in not knowing quite how to see yourself.It happens to many of us at different stages of our life but you can reach a point of absolute clarity.
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