A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So here's my story. It's been 4.5 months since breakup and i realize that I still miss her. I don't love her as much as i did when she ended things with me but i still miss her tremendously. She's in my thoughts everyday. My ex girlfriend's healing has been a different story, she almost doesn't think about me anymore and i'm pretty much a memory. She got together with another guy almost immediately after ending things with me, like a week after. When i first heard that it was really difficult to bear and as of right now they're still together. I know that she loves him and he loves her. Because they spent Christmas together and yesterday was my birthday and she didn't say one thing to me. I only know most of this information through mutual friends, and they say that she's fine and happy. And I've come to realize that she's happy with her life and doesn't want it to change so the only course of action i can do is to just let her be happy, even though i miss her more than anything in the world. Our breakup wasn't too bad, I didn't lie or cheat or anything she just wanted to end things with me because she thought we were different, and the LDR might have made her feel disconnected to me even though we talked everyday for a few hours at least. I never thought so and really thought we had a lot in common. But i couldn't very well force her to be in this relationship that she didn't want to be in so i let her go, and I tried to be happy for her. I love her but she just wasn't happy with me, and now she's happy. I guess in some small way this thought helps me a little. For the first 2.5 months we were in LC with her saying lets stay friends. But in the last 2 months we have been in NC.After my birthday passed I realized that in my current life i wasn't happy. Not only letting go of your true love was difficult but also realizing that she doesn't love me was hard too. Being rejected like that by someone you truly loved and being replaced in a week, doesn't really help my self esteem. It is by far the worst feeling I've had my entire life and i hope nobody will ever be treated like that. I don't know how to recover from that and it makes me feel like i'm the worst person in the world. I've been trying my best to cope and a few friends have really been there for me, yet i still feel alone knowing that my my true love is now out of my life. It's even harder knowing that the new guy and I share a lot of interests too. All these things have just added weight to the breakup, and i feel like I've only started to heal even after 4.5 months. I guess in the end I'm happy for her but can anyone please tell me how i can be happy with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): i was told this, you are always attractive when you are seen in the company of another woman/man....and on top of that, you are genuinely happy and may be more in love with that person than with your ex. It usually works that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses, they have really been helpful and I've enjoyed reading them. hopefully soon i'll let go of the guilt of my failed relationship and finally believe that it wasn't my fault but that she fell for somebody else when with me and that she didn't love me as much as i loved her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): hi
Honestly all you can do is try and focus your attention on something else, hang out with friends, go clubbing or whatever you did before you met this person to keep yourself occupied.
meet new people talk about crap, there is more to life than relationships focus on yourself now! try new things you never know what could tickle your fancy. laugh as much as possible!and before you know times gone by and you relise you don't miss that person anymore and there's someone else you are interested in more!
I don't know you at all but hey thats what I do. I have been there and when things don't work for one person they just don't! don't dwell on the past live for now think about it you only live once and you don't live forever. next time you are in a new relationship avoid the mistakes you have made in the past.
If she doesn't remember your birthday, it usually means she never really cared the feelings weren't mutual! she's happy now give it to her don't let the green eyed monster come out be the better person, if she can be happy so can you. don't dwell on her because believe you me she's not giving you a second thought. If she really loves you she'll come back to you no matter what rather carry on with your life instead of feeling sorry for yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): Hello,
I've been there before and I know how it feels when the person you love has fallen out of love with you and fallen in love with someone else. When your heart is broken it's hard to continue on and most considerably, it's hard to believe you are going to be able to continue on with life or even find happiness ever. How does one move on when the person you loved has found someone else? For me, it was realizing that all you ever want is for that person to be happy and loved. It took me months, and it differs from person to person, to finally move on. Milestones are difficult because you remember everything, every moment spent with each other but you eventually move on and you look forward to what the world has to offer and of course meeting people all around you. The guys, in my case, that showed an interest in me, guys who found me attractive and wanted to get to know me were all quite overwhelming to me. I took my time and decided that this was the time for me...to really get to know who I am, who I was, what I loved and enjoyed doing, what I want out of life, where I wanted to go in life. I started doing things that I found myself never doing cause I hadn't the time to do when I was in a relationship. I started going out with friends and even started volunteering for my church. I can honestly say that you do meet all sorts of people from all walks of life. A sincere smile, a flirt from that cute someone, a person asking you out or telling someone who in turn tells you that someone finds you cute. It's these little things that help you get started on a new journey of profound happiness that will put a spring in your step and you'll find yourself once smiling again. This is the time to start forming your new beginnings of who you are to you and to the world. It's not going to be an easy fast journey but once you get started you'll be happier and more at ease...but remember, you take what you get from one journey and that helps to form you to become a well rounded person. We learn from each path taken and we take what we learn and help mold us to be even better people. This is the time to move forth and be the new you that you were meant to be. A man who's well rounded, a man who's even more so the person you wish for the world to see. Once you set yourself on to this journey, you will start to be happy with the person you've sincerely come to be. My wish for you is that you find peace and happiness within yourself. Just reading your letter, I know you are already a genuinely good person.
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female
reader, frndz4life  +, writes (31 January 2011):
hi sry to hear about what happened with you .but such things do occur nowadays .i know its really hard to forget. i would suggest just stop thinking about her and keep yourself very busy in things, u said u have many friends so just hang out with them and just try not to discuss about her and her current life through mutual frndz just completely discoonect with her. may be she wasnt the one who was made for u and perhaps thats the same thing she must have thought .she would have realized all this after coming close to u. so just let her go her way and u go opposite way. remains question of u being happy with urself then keep saying this that it wasnt ur fault, u didnt cheat or lie and thats a good and positive thing in u so there is no reason to be sad.u wernt wrong there will be sum1 who will bring happiness in ur life and u have to wait till then u should njoy. if possible go for a counseling they do bring a change try it. and always be happy gud luck
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