A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi All Aunts and Uncles,I have been with my B/F for 7 years; we bought a house together 5 years ago and have a 2 year old daughter (MOO). My problem is his family, apart from one sister who is cool. The other sister and his mother just do my head in. Prior to the birth of Moo, they never visited or included us in family stuff and that was fine with me. Now we are suddenly expected to go to things, they often make arrangements and then change things at the last moment, and basically they display poor manners generally. When I am in either of their company I feel judged, ignored and then dismissed. They have never really made much of an effort to get to know me and as a result I have always had an internal dialogue of they are idiots, what the hell do they know anyway. Neither of them have any awareness.Since the arrival of child, we are suddenly expected to go to things, they often make arrangements and then change things at the last moment, and basically they display poor manners generally. I am constantly being undermined about the way I am raising my daughter, from the most fundamental things as how long I breast fed her (at four months old my MIL told me that I should think about weaning her because babies don’t need to be breast fed once they start solids) to telling me not to have her sleep with us or she will die of cot death (that peril of wisdom was sprouted when Moo was only six weeks old), to giving the child sweets when she is in the middle of a 2 year old melt down.Meanwhile, sister said while holding my perfect 7 day old baby that is was wrong to have children if you are not married. She is a pioneer (I don’t hold that against her I rarely drink myself these days) but the whole looking down her noses at people that do partake is a bit much for me to take. At a recent family wedding my MIL referred to me as my BF’s lady friend, I was highly insulted by, but I let it slide.If moo spends time with either of them she comes back wild, when I said my piece on this, I was told that Grandma’s and Aunts are there to make the child happy that is their job. So I attempted to set ground rules, it failed and I have been forced to limit the contact to just a few hours once a fortnight.The sister is getting married in August, when asking my B/F if he would give her away she said, “you don’t really want to give me away, do you?” and then acted all upset and set her mother on him because he had said NO. I was so furious at the moment chosen to discuss this was in company at a social gathering. We agreed to let (MOO) be flower girl but instead of the normal parents getting the dress, she wants to do it herself, I have explained that Moo is most wilful and at her young ages often refuses to wear things. I said that I would like to go shopping for the dress and bring Moo so that on the day there is no drama trying to get her dressed. I also said that I wanted her to wear a pair of Clarkes shoes which I will get for her a week before the wedding so I can get her feet measured and ensure that she is comfortable. All has been totally disregarded! What do I know?I don’t deal with conflict very well, but normally I don’t let things like this effect me and I will say my piece. Oh and the B/F doesn't know why I let them effect me so much.... thinks they are unaware idiots!Or thick as shite.My main fear at the moment is that I am so close to the end of my patience that I will have a no holds barred rant and tell them exactly what I think on them, it won’t be pretty; you see I have an excellent memory! Anyone any ideas how I can deal with these people?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 "Oh and the B/F doesn't know why I let them effect me so much.... thinks they are unaware idiots!Or thick as shite."
Ah, well done mama, you found yourself a clever guy, that means moo will be alright and do well at school. Sometimes a sensible woman learns to listen to a man when he is talking sensible. :)
"They have never really made much of an effort to get to know me and as a result I have always had an internal dialogue of they are idiots, what the hell do they know anyway. Neither of them have any awareness."
Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness, but since your aware of it, your the most sane person around. Unfortunately they are stupid, will always remain stupid, they think they are clever, which means they are more stupid than you can imagine. Don't ask me, ask the internal person your talking to, she called them idiots and I think that she is right.
Humour, laughter and smiles go a hell of a long way in making time with in-laws move quickly by. By the way, moo has to have clarke shoes, tell them that your doctor told you so. (guess I'm a doctor now)
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
Poor mama and poor moo... big hugs lady.
Sorry you waited so long for an answer, but your question is a hard one to solve. I go by the "let old folks do whatever they want, and say whatever they think, then ignore them". In laws criticize, they don't want to think your superior to them. Best thing to do is to smile sweetly, then bloody ignore.
As for moo.. nope, got to put your foot down there. If she's gonna be upset by getting this dress, then you go ahead and with your plan. Buy her dress in the least stressful way for her, then if she kicks off, then you will have it at hand. Don't let them stress you out, that's what they want. Don't sweat the small stuff, but fight like the devil when it's important.
Remember, smile, smile, smile and ignore, only become determined when it will upset moo and make her cry. Your big enough to ignore this rubbish and little girls love big families who smile a lot.
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