How can he think the world of me and then treat me so badly?

A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm so confused.I was seeing this guy recently who is a nice guy in some ways, but he gets in moods sometimes. He walked out of a bar once and left me in there on my own because he was in a mood because i had arranged to go and see a show, and he couldn't go there with me, although, it had already been arranged for a while, so it wasn't like i went there on the spur of the moment. He couldn't go because he couldn't afford the ticket ( it had already been booked too ). And last time i went out with him, which was a month ago, he walked out the bar and left me on my own again, because i had gone mad at him over buying him a drink. Well, i didn't actually go mad about buying him the drink, but i was mad at the way he told me to get him one, as he said " get me a drink ", and he said to the barmaid " she's paying for it ". If i was going to ask someone to buy me a drink, i would say " would you mind getting me a drink ? ", or " please will you buy me a drink ? ". It just sounded to me like he was taking advantage and i was offended at him not using manners. He had been having money problems at the time. I would also be too embarassed to ask someone to buy me a drink, as i would feel like i am being cheeky. So anywya, i was in the bar for a few hours on my own, btu i saw soem other people i knew in there, so i spoke to them. I tried to call him to see where he was, but at first, he wouldn't answer his phone. I sent him a text saying he had ruined the day by going off in a mood, and he text back saying he didn't want to ruin it. He had also gone off because a guy had threatened him over some money that he owed for alcohol. The guy threatened him right infront of me and said " i'll embarass you infront of this lady ", and threatened to hit him . I called him and met him at another bar. He seemed ok at first, but just ebfore we left, he told me that he didn't want to se me any more, as he thought i was too moody ( can you blame me for being moody with him when he has walked out of bars twice and elft me alone ? ) , and also, sometimes, he doesn't call me when he says he will, and he doesn't respond to my texts and phone calls sometimes. We made up after we left the bar, and i stopped at his, and we did intimate things ( not intercourse though ). We also went out for a bit again the next day, so i thought everything was ok. he said he would call me the next day, but he didn't. He called the day after and said " don't hate my guts too much, as i know i didn't call you yesterday ", and then he said he would call back later on that day, but he didn't. A couple of days later, he text me asking me to call him, but i didn't as i was at a friend's house at the time. I bumped into him the week after in town, and he told me that he had started a new job. He does night shifts now. he told me that he thought he was a swear word being with s and ending in t ( i don't know if we are allowed to use swear words on here ). I don't know why he said that. He todl me that he ahd todl his friend that he thought he had treated me badly too. We didn't talk for long, but he text me the next day, saying he couldn't see me that day, as he was working, but told me to have a nice time on a trip i was going to for my birthday that weekend. He text me again the next day ( This was just over two weeks ago, and this was the last time i heard from him ) and he said " well, that's one week out the way " ( about his first week on his new job ) then sent another text saying " we need to talk ". I text him and said i would have a proper chat with him when i got back from my trip, but he didn't respond. He didnt send me a happy birthday message on my birthday either.I sent him a text the weekend before last, asking if he wanted to meet and have the chat, and said that we coudl chat on the phone instead if he didn't want to meet, but he didn't respond. He also hasn't responded to my phone calls ( i have only called him twice since then ). Last week, i ended up finding out from his friend that he had seen him on the same weekend that i was on my trip, and he asked if he could have a word with him. He told him that about when i got in a mood with him over the way the asked for the drink ( i didn't think he woudl have still been thinking about that ), and he thought i was in a mood with him because i had to buy him one. He apparently said that he didn't want to be in a relationship with someone like that, and his friend said that he cried too !. This friend also told me that he said he thinks the world of me.I told his friend to tell him that i was sorry about how i was with him, and that he had taken it the wrong way, and to tell him that i loved him to bits. He said he will have a word with him. I saw another one of his friends, who saw him more recently, and his friend had said something to him about me, and he said " i've just not seen her ", to him, so he didnt exactly say that he had ended things, and he told his friend that he thinks the world of me too. I don't see how he can think the world of me though if he won't talk to me, and i am angry that he was nasty about me to his friends. You'd think he would want to try and fix things instead of giving up if e thinks so much of me, and that he would fight more to keep me. Instead of telling them what he thought, he should have told me. I can't understand why he told me that he needed to talk to me, but he hasn't.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

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