A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm really hooked on my ex and cannot stop thinking about him. He was just horrible to me, very jealous, possessive and would flip out over the smallest of things. He smoked weed, lived with his mother and he is 40 years old. I'm 12 years younger than him, I have my own place, I used to spend money on him, so looking at all of those things I know I really had a lucky escape. The thing is he was incredibly good looking, he was funny and had loads of friends. We could stay up talking until the sun came up, we had the best sex ever and I had the most incredible feeling when we even kissed I used to go all tingly. It's wierd because I've never felt that with anyone else and I doubt I ever will. I looked at his facebook account and noticed that he's talking to a woman and it's making me feel really jealous, I split up with him so have no right to even get that way. I don't know what to do with myself and feel depressed that I'm even feeling this way about a man that my friends call a loser! I've had dates with other men, I know that a lot of men like me (I don't understand why mind lol) I have slept with someone but it was just awkward and I kept thinking about my ex. I don't know what to do to snap out of this, is it normal to still have feelings for someone that really isn't good for you and you're unable to move on because of it.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (10 November 2012):
 The mind works in mysterious ways and not always towards your best interests. What is going on is that you are feeling lonesome and hurt and one of the ways you'll feel better (at least temporarily) is to remind yourself the pleasures you felt when you were with him. To avoid feeling pain your mind conjures up the best moments of your relationship. Suddenly all his loser attributes don't seem so bad compared to what you are feeling right now.
But it is a deception and ultimately if you pursue the memory, you'll wind up more hurt in the long run.
As an exercise, I'd encourage you to make a list of all the things you want out of a boyfriend. Actually write it out and then next to each one, ask yourself if your ex provided the things that are truly important to you. I am willing to bet it'll be less than a quarter of them.
When you are thinking that "he was the one" refer back to the list and remind yourself that YOUR true love is right around the corner and you will not settle for less.
Keep positive and active and know that better days are ahead. Given enough time, you'll find a good looking guy who will rock your world and be the man you truly want and deserve.
Eddie
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): I can relate to what you're saying. Your brain is telling you, he's not the one, you deserve better, but your heart isn't letting go. The best way I found is stop all contact, don't look at his facebook, try not to even talk about him. In time your heart will catch up to your brain.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (9 November 2012):
 Well you need to move on first of all, no dating or having sex with anyone else until you have moved on from him. Your tingly feelings you got from your ex are still fresh in your mind and when dating someone else you expect those feelings, when they don't happen you get let down. That's why you can't date too soon after a break up, you compare everything to your ex and end up making him out to be better than he was. Now you need to block him from facebook. You don't need to look at his page and get upset at what he is doing, he is not in your life anymore and you don't need to know who he is dating, all it does it cause more pain. Resist temptation to look for him.
Then you need to keep yourself busy. Throw yourself into work, get more hours if you can, find a new hobby, find new things to do that will keep your mind off of him. Doing the same old things you did with him in your life won't be as effective for not thinking of him. Maybe take a new class, get into a new tv show. Over time of keeping busy you won't think of him as much and you will get over him.
Also it is very helpful that he is a loser, it will help a lot to remind yourself of this when getting over him. It's not like you would've ever married him right? He was just someone you had fun with for awhile. Finding someone social with a lot of friends won't be hard. You may not ever have the butterfly feelings again or you could, you never know. But you do know you can find someone who is a lot better for you in pretty much every other way and will make you a lot happier. It is normal to have feelings for someone who isn't the best for us but we move on and find something so much better. I was in love with a ex who was a pathological liar and a life loser with no job but since I had so much passion and connection I thought I would never move on. I did, the passion isn't the same as it was with him but I now have real love, honesty, stability, a grown up, and so much better of a relationship I'd take that over passion any day. Lust doesn't last.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): I bet anything its the weed what is making him like he is. Its alright in moderation but too much and it sends you funny. If he knew you had slept with someone else would he still take you back? If not, then tell him. Then you have no choice but to move on because you will be out of options.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 November 2012):
 Here's my prescription for extricating yourself from this guy and starting your life anew and in healthy relationship(s)....
Go to a game store - or a thrift store, if you want to save some $$$ - and get several "1000 piece" puzzles... the more intricate and complicated the finished picture, the better....
VOW not to think of your ex- or date any man until you have finished AT LEAST 20 such puzzles....
After completing those 20 puzzles, I believe that you will be "in a better place" ... and you will have forgotten that ex- who you described in this submittal... AND your life will be much better...
Good luck....
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