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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I are in our 30's. He masturbates to porn regularly and visits the pub twice a week to look at bikini girls who are about 18yrs old. His best mate is 21, they get very drunk and the mate invites young girls home after the pub.When I try to talk to him about it he says I'm paranoid, or we end up in an argument, it is making me feel insecure to the point that I'm considering a break up. It is making me want to get cosmetic surgery and botox etc. How can I get him to understand what his behaviour is doing to my confidence?LJ from OZ
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (19 June 2006):
 You ahve insecurity issues and in the immortal words of Jennifer Anniston, he is missing his sensitivity chip.
The porn is just that....it is porn, not flesh and blood females to wank over. Maybe he needs visual stimulation.
The issue with the girls.....don't sit back and accept this. Tell him you will not tolerate it. If he does not listen you need to move on!
Why oh why would you allow him to behave like this. You should have put your foot down the first time!
A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (19 June 2006):
 Hey Sweetie
U poor thing i'm sorry your so sad :o( also sorry your b/f is an ass! one question... WHY ARE YOU PUTTING UP WITH THIS STUPIDNESS FROM HIM? all that porn does to any relationship is cause bitterness and resentment and not forgetting heartache, so that would have to be knocked on the head for a start honey, but as for the getting drunk and inviting young girls back! the drinking is ok in moderation but the young girls thats outta order he is seriously taking advantage don't stand for that crap, don't let him kick your self confidence and self esteem you sound fantastic and i just bet my bottom dollar you are beautiful to, don't let this jerk get you down sweetie... kick him right into shape he needs sitting down and telling straight that his behaviour is well out of order and had better change drastically or he's on his bike! YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS are you listening to me don't be a push over honey...tell him porn may feel good to him but look what its doing to you two and your relationship... explain most women find porn very offensive it makes us feel like we're not good enough i know exactly how you feel honey stand your ground!!! tell him he needs to help you get your confidence back because indirectly he's the one destroying it he needs to reassure you constantly tell him your confidence has had a kicking and he needs to fix the damage cause its hard to get up again if you don't get the answers you wanna hear kick his stupid ass to the kerb where he belongs... :o)
I hope my advice was able to help you out with your situation babe and good luck with this... if you ever need a friend or a chat or just more advice don't hesitate to email me sweetie, I would love to hear from you again and know how you got on... Remember i'm always here for you anytime ok
You Take Care Sweetie X
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (19 June 2006):
 You need to tell this man to sort himself out or you're gone! How could someone who loves you treat you this disrespectfully and make you feel so worthless? That's not love, honey, he's taking you for a ride.
Not many women I know would stand for behaviour like this and I know if my man did something like that, he would know about it. You seem to think this is normal and that's very sad, he's obviously treated you this way for so long, you now don't know any different. But I can tell you, there are good men out there who will treat you well, respect you, act their age and become the perfect husband and father to your children.
You should no even consider changing yourself, he's the one in the wrong and he's the one who needs to change. These girls are something to look at, I know that, they can be really pretty and I don't know a guy who wouldn't look at a pretty half-naked girl. However, he sounds like he takes this too far and it is not healthy, whether you have a partner or not. I can imagine how this makes you feel and you need to tell him to buck up his ideas or you're gone.
I really feel for you, you seem so worn down by all this that you're blaming yourself and considering dangerous operations to try and make it better. But I can tell you, nothing would change whatever you looked like. This is about respect and love and until you've got that from him, whatever you look like will make no difference. Tell him to sort himself out and treat you like a loving partner or get rid and find someone who makes you feel great even first thing in the morning.
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