A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please help. My relationship of 2 years is about to crash because he has children from a previous relationship. We have always argued over his children as they were very spoilt and ungrateful. Just recently we have been arguing because his children go to a therapist and they have lied. They are saying they dont know when they will see their dad again and he doesnt contact them. He works shifts so cant see them on a sat/Sun like most fathers but he goes to see them once a week and tells them what day it will be next week. He has them to stay 1 weekend a month. He also rings them 1-2 per week. He has always said he is happy with this arrangement but he is now saying that its not enough and he only said he was ok with it to keep me happy, and he wants to see them more often. We want to move on with our lives but i cant see this happening now, it is causing a huge problem. We had decided that as soon as his divorce is finalised we would move in together but this has been put on hold. Am i being selfish??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): I just wanted to clarify that i dont criticise the children, just his parenting. I am a firm believer that as a parent you have to teach your children right and wrong. If he allows them to get away with this lie, whats the next one?? Where does it stop? I think him seeing his children once a week is fine, my ex sees our child once a week and they are both happy with this. I do not want to live my life round his past life without being able to have an opinion.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (26 March 2007):
 First of all you need to know that you're not allowed to criticise his children. Only he is. You can dislike them in private but to him and his children you need to present a positive and happy front brecause the way he will see it is that it's not your place to criticise the way he and his ex bring up their children. This is a difficult thing to accept but theyre the children and it's them that are allowed to be unreasonable about this. I'm not sure I entirely understand why he said once a week was fine to keep you happy. Are you trying to say that you think him seeing them once a week is enough? The pitfalls of dating a man with kids is that they're always going to come first and when push comes to shove he'll always be their dad whereas partners will come and go. You both need to be a bit more flexible to make this relationship work. Let him see his kids as often as he wants. If you find this difficult suggest he takes them out alone so you don't have to spend time with them but be very acreful about criticising them. They will tear you apart if you enter that game.
CD
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