A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:It migt sound silly for most people, but two of my husbands habits drive me nuts every single day, even every hour.He has plenty of others but they are not as annoying as these.we have fights about it almost every day. It irritates him when I point it out to him over and over again, and I can't help myself.I m asking this question to see may be someone here has any better idea how to deal with it.First habit: he constantly asks me to repeat almost every sentence that I said. It's either " what, what" or he does that thing how deaf people do, when they can't hear, he puts his palm to his ear. Or he just says this sound like gmm.You might think he doesn't hear well. That's not the case, I tested him over and over again, by simp,y not repeating myself and within a few seconds he responds to my question or comment by saying something that indicates that he heard it the first time.He claims that he has poor hearing, and with combination with my soft voice that s what happens. That's not true at all.I was sitting on a couch in a living room talking to a friend, he was in a kitchen doing something and obviously listening to our conversTion. And when I said something he didn't agree with he corrected me. So, he can hear across the living room, dining room and all the way through the whole kitchen, but can't hear when I m standing in front of him, or in a car?We just came from visiting our daughter, and at one point she just laughed and said to me, mom I don't know how you deal with Daddys habit, he asks me to repeat every single phrase. And when I tol her that he claims he can't hear, she said, o, no, I don't repeat anything and he responds when he get his attention focused.So, that's one out of the way.Another, he shouts. By shouting I mean when he talks on a phone on our backyard I can hear him every word all the way on a second floor in a bedroom. I get headaches during the day because of his voice, we also work together in our family business. When he talks to customers it's just unbelievable how loud he gets. I talked to my friend on Skype, he joined in, and started shouting next to my ear so loud, that I had to cover my ears. Do you think it stopped him from shouting? I kept sitting with fingers in my ears and he kept on yelling into microphone until my friend said, that she can hear him very well, he doesn't have to shout.We went to the party, there were around 10 men there. He aS louder than everyone. You could hear his voice from an opposite side of a pool.Everytime I tell him to reduce his volume he gets mad at me, and starts whispering. At moments I think I reLy think I start hating ohm for that, for that incredible stubbornness, for that lack of consideration for another human being that lives with him for all this years, and not even trying to something about it. It came to the point that becUze of these 2 habits of his, I avoid talking to him as much as possible. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2012): My Dad is not hearing well, but he doesn't shout at all. He does ask to repeat but his voice is normal.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (18 August 2012):
I really think it is a hearing problem, even I have the same. Some people's voice have a clearer sound like your daughter. Even at times I can hear other people but I would have doubts about what I heard so I would ask "what?". It does become a habit and should be checked by a doctor.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 August 2012):
 I agree. Sounds like he does, in fact, have a hearing problem. I was on the fence and thinking it could be a passive aggressive thing, but the shouting, plus the fact that he did it to your daughter too makes me think that it is a hearing problem.
You may think that just because he has the ability to focus more and concentrate on what's being said, that he's putting you on. This is like saying that someone who has a vision problem is putting it on when he squints to see better, which does work a little.
I'd take him in for a comprehensive hearing test. I think you both are stubborn, which can happen after a long time with living with each other.
Also, I'd prescribe a second honeymoon somewhere where you both haven't been before. I don't think there's deep-seeded resentment. I just think you both need to get away from daily life and go have a really fun adventure together and reconnect. You're hitting the time of your life where you both have raised at least one daughter and should go do something fun, instead of spending time getting irritated at each other.
Seriously! Go play together! You might have fun getting to know each other all over again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Honestly, I do think he has a hearing problem. The hole "shouting" thing is typical for people with hearing problem as they are not aware of how loud they really are.
For instance I'm partially deaf in one ear and almost fully deaf in the other. The thing is I hear the kids FAIRLY fine but my husbands deeper voice, not so much. The part of my hearing range that is shot is the deeper tones, so it fits. I do have hearing aids, but honestly, I rarely use them.
So again, it can be your voice is within the range he doesn't hear so well.
And I agree, there has to be more these these things to warrant this resentment.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (17 August 2012):
He needs to see a doctor to have his hearing checked. Many men lose the ability to hear higher pitched sounds as they age. Additionally, He may have tinnitus which can be age-related or caused by medications (aspirin and acetaminophen.)
Just because he is able to figure out what you said by 'focusing,' doesn't mean his hearing is fine or even anywhere near normal. I have mild hearing loss and when i do not understand what someone has said to me because they sound garbled, I can sometimes figure it out by focusing on the vague sounds and using non-verbal cues (like the other person's mood, is the other person holding something, what did their mouth look like they were saying) to figure out what was said.
Finally, your husband likely shouts and talks incredibly loud and does not seem to notice. This is a classic symptom of hearing loss. He doesn't notice how loud he is because he cannot hear how loud he is.
Because he seem to have periods where he can hear okay (like from a few rooms away) he may have tinnitus or a problem filtering out background noise (a/c, car engines, dishwasher, wind blowing outside etc.) Whatever the cause of his seemingly selective hearing, he needs to have his hearing assessed by a physician. Please urge him to make an appointment and follow through.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): Maybe eh should get his earing professionaly tested. The fact that we asks you to repeat often AND that he talks loudly on the phone points towards problem in hearing.Sometimes, when people have trouble hearing, their brains make up for the missing words that they didn't hear by noting things about the other person expression and the environment but it can be a little longer to process which might be why he says what first but then finaly respond. He should go get tested and you could try to help by learning how to communicate better we people with bad hearing. My grand-mother and my mother have bad hearing and I took a course on how to talk to them better.I also noticed I started doing the what thing which means I should probably get teste soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): How did you see even a reflection of me saying anything about divorce?where did I even mention that I want to get rid of him?
This "little annoyances" repeat themselves almost every hour, wouldn't you be worked up at some point if your spouse had one of those?
I posted this because I needed some constructive answers, and you gave me couple, thank u for that. Assumptions about divorce were less than necessary. And the joke was funny:)
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (17 August 2012):
 So, what is the real problem?
There must be something else. You have taken two annoyances and worked them up to grounds for divorce and horse whipping. So what is the real reason you want to be free of him?
You probably think I am not taking your question seriously. To anticipate your response to this, I will say that there is something you can do about the not hearing / paying attention to you. This is such a common problem amongst men that we do know some ways to work around it. Part of it has to do with the way men think. He doesn't hear you because his mind is somewhere else. He wants to finish thinking about what he is thinking about before he starts thinking about what you are talking about.
So he says "What?" to give himself time to mentally rewind and replay what you said. If you think about it this fits the symptom you are describing. How to fix it. When you want to talk to him touch him. wait a second or two until he focuses on you then begin talking. I have seen this done with great success.
The only thing I have seen done with loud talkers is a prearranged signal. The one I remember was she would grab his arm when ever he got carried away and squeeze harder and harder until he toned down. I'm not sure this will work for you, because he has to want to change for it to work.
Now as to why I think you are getting too annoyed about this. This is the most common complaint women have about men. If I asked 100 men what women want them to do, 85 of them will say she wants me to shut up and listen to her.
Now as a final comment I'd like to introduce some humor to help you cope with your frustration.
A man went to talk to his doctor about his wife. He told the Doctor that he was sure his wife's hearing was failing but she refused to have it checked. The doctor suggested that he could test her him self by asking her a question then walking closer and asking again until she replied. So he went home and tried it. She was in the kitchen , he in the front room. He said "honey, what's for dinner?". No reply. So he walked to the dining room and asked again. Still no reply. So he walked to the kitchen doorway and asked a third time. She turned and said "I've already told you two times we're having pork chops!".
FA
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