A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend a year. We have a very stable relationship, rarely argue, I'm not an insecure or jealous type. He has plenty of girl friends which donn't bother me.Apart from his ex.She tried very hard to break us up the first few months. They'd been split up for about 4 months, during which she'd made hald hearted attempts to get him back, but once she found out we were together it was like she was possessed. She has since, rather desperately, tried to keep contact with him, mostly through texting him (she knows that we are open with email passwords, but obviously his phone is with him at work etc). He's one of the 'nice guys', he hates causing upset, and will usually, he says, out of politeness, text her back. We did have a big arguement recently because I saw on his phone bill that he had text her about 25 times over the space of a few days, which hurt me because he knows that his ex is the one hang up I have. And it does eat me up wondering what they are talking about, simply because early on in the relationship I found out he had talked to her about an arguement we'd had, which upset me because she wouldn't have been an innocent shoulder to cry on, she wanted the dirt on me and him. Although since then, he's completely ignored all of her attempts at contacting him, saying that I am more important.My problem is, I don't help myself at all. I look at her online profiles and it makes me feel awful, but I can't help myself. She still has photos of the 2 of them on there, despite herself having been with a guy for 6 months or so. I know she still hasn't let go because she text him on Christmas saying she misses him and Christmas isn't the same without him.I know he wants me, not her, that's not my problem. I just feel so insecure about it, I feel second best to her, I can't understand why I feel this way and don't know how to deal with it because I've never been like this before!
View related questions:
at work, christmas, his ex, insecure, jealous, split up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): i'm really sorry to hear that as i have the same kinda problem i have his crazy ex slagging me off on the internet and blogs saying he's obviuosly not over her,they even have a kid togeather so he still see's her regurly,i wish ex's didnt excist,why dont you just say to him that it's you or her or change his mobile number,if he knows you have a problem with her then he should understand unfortanitly for me i dont have that option as he HAS to keep in connect with his ex but i'll just have to deal with or go mad
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): She must be loving the attention she is getting but I think she needs a strong message from someone else that you are a proper couple. Can you get someone else to speak to her? I think your boyfriend should back off responding because he is just feeding the problem. You need a slightly tougher line with him - tell him you've been really patient and understanding so far but its starting to undermine you. Ask him how he would feel if your ex was texting all the time. You are very trustworthy but you should also have boundaries in a relationship and he is perhaps overstepping them?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): Take control. I had the same problem with me and my boyfriend. His ex was completely obsessed and she texted him and all that kind of stuff. Don't do what i did, which was text her and have a massive argument because it made stuff weird with me and my boyfriend but maybe if you tell her that you don't appreciate the fact that she's texting your boyfriend she might lay off and leave him alone.
And you also have to think that your boyfriend doesn't want his ex, he wants you, that's why he's still with you and not her.
Good luck... hope it works out =] xx
...............................
A
female
reader, hellogoodbye123 +, writes (2 January 2008):
i am in a very similar situation to you. my boyfriends ex was his first proper girlfriend, first love and first sexual partner and I have a hard time not feeling that I must be being compared to her.
The things I've thought of to help deal with these natural feelings of insecurity are:
1) they broke up - which means that there was something wrong with her/the relationship in his eyes. he fell out of love with her for a reason and fell in love with you because you weren't like that.
2) if you've had previous relationships think about how you feel about your old boyfriends - you don't love/want them any more do you? so why should he want her?
3) he's already made the effort to ignore her for you, showing that he loves you, values you and understands your pain
4) the ONLY thing that your insecurity will achieve is to turn you into the kind of girl that he will not want to be with, jealous and with non of the sexy confidence that he probably initially fell in love with you for.
at the end of the day jealousy and insecurity only tears people apart so i know it's hard but try to concentrate on the first few things i said because they are undoubtedly true.
and good luck :D
...............................
|
