A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupidWhen my fiance goes out on nights out alone with his friends he gets stupidly drunk to the point he can't stand. He sways. He makes a total mess of himself or gets argumentative or very unpredictable. He even ended up going missing for about 6 hours after a stag do and being found in the cold miles away from where he should be.I'm not a massive drinker and find drunks in general a bit intimidating, but I'm fine with him tipsy. I just don't like the drunk version. After the 6th or 7th issue with him in a row of going out and getting totally drunk we had had quite a few fights and I've spent many a few conversations asking him not to go overboard because its unsafe and he makes me feel very uncomfortable. I have told him repeatedly I have no issue with him drinking just not to the point of this. He's done it again tonight. I've not entered into any conversation with him just told him to go to bed and I've slept on the sofa (He has a habit of making a mess of our bed in these states). My question is what do I do now? It doesn't happen every week. Around 6 times so far this year, but I don't feel I'm unreasonable asking him to know his limits and take it easy as it always causes major problems. I've tried talking about it. Shouting about it. Trying to not react. Nothing works. This really gets to me every time as it feels like he doesn't care less about how he makes me feel.
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male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (12 December 2015):
Why isn't he pleasing you? There is an ugly element of disrespect in his behavior. Certainly it is more important to respect one's fiance than to go out and get drunk with friends. You should have a sitting with a councilor or someone you both respect. That person will certainly tell him he needs to stop this if he values the prospect of you marrying him. If he refuses, it is time to move on.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 December 2015):
 Sounds like he actually needs help. Most of adults know when to quit, but he seems to keep drinking and drinking. Which suggests to me that he has issues with alcohol.
I wold make an ultimatum here (and I'm NOT a huge fan of those) but... there wold be no wedding/ no marriage if he can't quit with getting totally shitfaced.
If 6 times a year is too much for yo then it's too much. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who thinks it's a great time drinking so much that they wander off, pee themselves or whatnot... no.
Would be a deal-breaker for me.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (12 December 2015):
 People's tolerance of alcohol and drugs varies. Your man can't process his booze at all well. His mates might be partying all night but his liver and kidneys can't keep up. It's no-one's fault. Although holding your drink used to be a sign of manliness, knowing when you've had enough is better.
An acquaintance of mine used to be locked out of his house if he misbehaved like that. To be honest it didn't stop him but it gave his wife some satisfaction to see him shivering on the doorstep.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (12 December 2015):
He's not doing it to make you angry, he's doing it because he lacks self control. He gets a bit of a buzz going and doesn't realize how drunk he is getting until it is too late.
Screaming at him certainly isn't going to help. You can either tolerate it or call it a deal breaker. He's an adult.
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