A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 17 years now and I have been happy with him up until the last year and and half don't get me wrong I love him, But we spend all our time at his place in his bedroom that's the way it has always been I go every where with him but he never comes any where with me! see this is the problem. When he dose come with me he has to be drinking which leads him to drinking way to much and making an ass out of him self and me feeling ashamed. I started a new job last year and loved my job, I ended up falling for a guy at work who also feel for me, this grew from a friendship to a relationship of sorts, We would meet up with each other spend as much time as we could with each other (he was as so in a one year relationship) we did the emotional relationship becuse it never did become sexual. I could never do that to my boyfriend. the most we did was make out and go places together. But he ended up leaving his girlfriend not that I ever asked him to he decide this on his own. we lasted about 4 1/2 months together. then one day out of the blue he stoped calling me and I heard he was with someone else which really hurt me. then out of the blue he called and I was so pissed and hurt I end up meeting him for all of 15 mins he was drunk and I didn't want to deal with him in that state. but today I heard that he told a co - worker he "loved Me" and that he would do anything to be with me and he walked away from me cuz it hurt him to see or be near me, he was will to stop drinking or anything else he had to to be with me. He is the type of guy who would go anywhere with me and do anything with me of for me. But now I have lost him. I am so hurt by him and felt so much for him but he's still with her and says I am the one he wants to be with but my QUESTION is how do I pick the right one! pls help Sad and messed Up ?
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female
reader, depaiva  +, writes (5 February 2007):
 You sound bored with your relationship, you always at his house and you do everything he wants to do-which is unfair on your part. You need to make him realize that a relationship should be a 50/50 thing. One day you do what he feels like doing and the next day you do want you want to do.U need to change things so that you don't get bored with things-you say you love him so fight for your relationship.
Because you were bored with your boyfriend, you cheated on him to bring some excitement to your life. You should be ashamed because no one deserves to be betrayed. But never the less it's been done-I hope you have come to terms with it.I'm not judging you for it-we all make mistakes and do things we shouldn't. You should stay away from guys that are taken-it causes problems for you and for them and not to mention their girlfriends.
This other guy walked away from you because you still with your boyfriend and you're hurting him by not leaving him. You probably like him because he does things you want to do and your boyfriend doesn't. If he's so good to you then why are you still with your boyfriend?
Before you decide who you want to be with you need to decide who you love and who makes you happy-but you can not go on betraying your boyfriend-he doesn't deserve that.
And you deserve to be happy. Good luck with your decision-best wishes
A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (4 February 2007):
 Have you talked with your boyfriend about the issues you just brought up? If you DO love him, you should give him a chance to change his spots/habits. Is he such a serious drunk that he should go for counselling?
If you believe that there is space for improvement within your relationship, I think you should give him a chance. Not any longer than a year though. Write your own goals, what You'd like to do, where you'd like to go. If he thinks half of it is bull, or he doesn't even try, I think you should go off on your own.
As for the other guy? You've been attached to somebody for the last 17 years, don't you want to see what it's like being on your own for a while? You sound like you want to have a change in your routine, don't you think it's about time to start now? with or without a boyfriend?
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