A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had been good friends with this guy for 3 yrs, then in a long distance relationship with him for 1 yr. Overall things were going well, and the visits every few months were great. The problem is that he seems to go out of his way to try to get me to act possessive. At first he talked about other girls online that have crushes on him, and he "doesn't know how to tell them he's not interested". Basically he kept leading them on, til I told him choose me or them. That stopped, but then he kept talking about female friends RL, but NEVER using names. It was always this girl at work, this girl I'm tutoring, this friend's gf, etc. All male friends in his life were named, but never girls, and that drove me nuts (I HATE people *trying* to make me jealous). Finally got THAT issue resolved, but now here comes another one, and I'm going crazy: we are a couple thousand miles apart, but every time he makes plans he IMs me and asks if I want him to cancel. Not asking if he should accept, he already did. He makes plans, then immediately asks him if I want him to cancel it. 1) he would not have accepted the invites if he didn't WANT to go. 2) i've never once asked him not to see his friends. 3) we are a couple thousand miles apart, not like he would cancel to sit home with me that night. This is driving me crazy! I've never told him or ASKED him not to hang out with his friends, and i know he wants to see them if he made plans... but he keeps asking. He seems to think I'm some @%$%$ that wants to stop him from seeing his friends. The last time he asked I blew up about it, and he did what he does EVERY time we have an argument... he went to one of MY female friends with it. Normally he goes straight to my 2 best friends, and tells them how mean I am and how bad he feels... thus completely preventing me from being able to talk to my friends about it. It's gotten so bad that my friends will say they heard about whatever, what happened... then every word i say is in his hands within minutes. I'm not the possessive type, and it infuriates me that he keeps acting like I am, and getting upset about it immediately cuts me off from my friends. If I make a new friend, I tend to introduce them, and the next time we have a fight he goes to them, so I have NO friends that I can talk to about my issues. How the heck do I deal with this? I love him, but his obsession with making me jealous/possessive is too much for me.
View related questions:
at work, best friend, crush, girl at work, jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am the OP, just responding to Ask Oldersister's answer...
You are completely right about not being able to depend on him: when my great grandmother died I went to my husband (been seperated for a year, had been together 10 years) for comfort, and my bf went completely nuts about it. He also got horribly jealous when I made plans to spend my birthday with my sister-in-law, instead of at home alone and online with him. And yeah, most of his "friendships" with my friends start when we have a fight. I've been hoping to find a way to calm his insecurities, but I have never been closer to calling it quits. Every time I've tried to end it, he and my friends convince me that I am over-reacting about whatever, and it's all my fault... maybe it's time to just cut contact and start blocking phone numbers.
|
