A
female
age
30-35,
*ice.Girl
writes:I'm almost twenty years old, I've never had a real relationship. The only guy that has shown interest in me my whole life has the unfortunate honor of having a nickname with "Icky" in it. I'm not attracted to him, I'm not sure if he knows it, but I don't really care about that. My real problem is that for the last month and a half I've been in an internet relationship with a guy that live 3000 miles away. We had met on an internet chat site, kind of sketchy I know, but when I first started talking to him I didn't expect me to grow so attached. He is five years older than I, but neither of us have a problem with that and by our age, five years isn't much. It was a little random moment of vulnerability and he seemed to be the only person in the world that was willing to try to help. We started out slow. Really slow. But it seemed that we just needed each other, for some pretty extreme reasons. We've been through more than the average couple has been. We mesh really well together, we can disagree but get over it and so on.Recently though, we've been having these crazy downs. Just the other night, he wanted to break up. His reasoning for wanting to break up was because I'm such a great girl that I deserve someone better than him and he's terrified that he'll do or say something to hurt me and he doesn't want to do that. It was like a preventative thing, "I'm so in love with you that I can't be with you" sort of thing. It hurt so bad when he told me this. I convinced him that I want him even if I deserve better, which is entirely true.Well he had a lot of time to think about things today and he feels really bad that I won't tell anyone about him, he thinks I'm ashamed of him, which isn't true. I just don't know how to tell my family about him. My family is a really traditional type and I really don't have any idea as to how they would react to the news of me having a boyfriend so far away. I mean, do you even really know if it's love until you actually meet? We are planing for him to visit me at university in March. My goal is to tell my family about him before March, I just really don't know how to do it without getting disowned. I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Nice.Girl +, writes (31 January 2010):
Nice.Girl is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you guys for the advice, it did kind of help me calm down through this situation.
I just wanted to say that we've been functioning fairly well since the breakup threat. He is still upset that I won't tell my family about him. It's not that I don't want to, as I've said, it's that I really just don't know how to tell them. We're not an amish or muslim family, and I'm pretty sure that they don't really mind me meeting people from the internet if he lived closer. It's just kind of hard to explain to your parents that you think you have really strong feelings for a guy that lives so far away. And I'd really rather that we meet first.
The reason why he's visiting in March is because he has to get his passport because he lives in the states. As well as that we're both university students, we don't have any time off til March.
When I said that we had been through some difficult things, is that he has a dark history and is suffering from depression. But we've kind of been each others support since I've started to suspect that I'm becoming depressed. We're there for each other.
I know what he looks like because we have video calls all the time, we've been texting back and forth for a while and we've recently started calling each other. So it is getting a bit more serious between us.
So for now we're just continuing as is and we seem to be doing alright. Thank you guys again for your advice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): You could just try mentioning his name in conversations at home and when youre asked who he is, just say an online friend. Many people meet that way now it shouldnt shock your family too much.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (13 January 2010):
 wow interesting, well meeting anybody anywhere is sketchy, im not sure whats a traditional way to meet since people have been meeting on the internet most of my life, but as you can see it doesnt matter where you meet the person can still turn out to be a lemon.
if your happy with this guy i suggest speed things up you need to meet and get that hurdle over with, why wait till march 3000 miles is not far its 2010 its not like hes crossing the himalyas on elaphants or is he?
My opinion he needs to get his but on a plane and come see you if he needs a passport w/e he should be taking care of that. relaly sounds like your guy needs to man up alot sounds like a wimp to me telling you your to good for him, maybe he has some serious issue he doesnt want you to kno about, he could have a lazy eye or something i dont kno thats why you need to meet and soon to make sure you guys are compatible on all levels before this drags on for more years.
I wouldnt tell your family about him untill he shows up at your door, you dont want to tell them about this mysterious guy and then he never shows up or when he does hes in a weelchair talking like darth vader.
Plus he should be there to confront your family with you, then just tell them the truth, what the hell are they gonna say to you haha disown you unless there omish or muslims your probably gonna be ok, if your omish you shouldnt have had a computer all these years any way, if your muslim well just pray.
there arent that many men in canada hell there arent that many people in canada im rusty ont he candian census but i think california has you guys beat on the population count not including the illegals, so a girl has to get her man wherever she can.
good luck let us kno how it goes
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