A
female
age
30-35,
*overnotafighter
writes:Hey people any help would be appreciated,I'm seeing a guy for the past month now I'm 18 he's 21 and hes really nice,caring an all round good guy and basically everything I'm looking for right now.The only problem is he's expecting a baby with his ex girlfriend.I really like him and I know a child shouldn't matter about how I feel but I dont think I can continue to see him knowing he's going to be a dad soon and his ex is always goin to be involved in his life.I'm really confused about what I should do.any advice would really help.Thanks x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): well, people DO get divorced and remarried even though they already have kids from their previous marriages. I have seen it work in my family and friends and coworkers. It is called a 'blended family' and it can and does work. It is painful to get through that process and it is not easy - and even if you do end up with him children from previous marriages/relationships are often a source of strain that may break the new relationship. But it can be done, people have done it, people are doing it.
however it's one thing to be in a relationship with someone who has already been long divorced/broken up and is now comfortable as a single parent. Such a person is available to start a new relationship because they've already worked out a different permanent relationship with their ex (one would hope). It's another thing to be involved with someone who is still tied to his previous relationship whether through the child or not.
If the child is very young like still a baby, then this is not a whole lot of time for him to have adjusted to parenthood so it is an unstable transition period for him and therefore this might not be the 'best' time to be getting involved with him. Perhaps in a couple years' time when the dust has settled for him regarding being a parent, then is a better time to see if he is available.
But the flip side is that if you wait 'too long' he may then be very settled in his new life without you. He may not be happy to be with the mother of his child, but people once settled into peaceful boring and stable lives even if unhappy, can find it very difficult to get out of that rut if children are involved because there is more at stake keeping them tied down. Also you have to think about what is best for the child. When the child is older he/she will have a harder time adjusting to his/her parents' divorce and a new step-parent in their life. Now, when things are in transition anyway and the child is still too young to remember, might in fact be a better time to start anew since nothing has been set in stone yet.
sorry I'm not being very helpful, just giving different suggestions
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Leave. He has baggage and this will tear you apart. You are young, do you want be stuck with a man who has a child by another woman?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Leave him. He can't be dedicated to you, there's a little person in his life now that needs his undivided attention. You are gonna be the third wheel and it might get worse from there. Youre better off with a guy who has no strings attached to his past relationship.
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A
female
reader, Lovernotafighter +, writes (8 November 2010):
Lovernotafighter is verified as being by the original poster of the question No I forgot to mention that he didnt know she was pregnant until after they had broke up.
they were broke up three months before she told him.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 So a perfect man knocks up his old gf, ditches her and hooks up with another chick before the baby is even born?
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