A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello.. I've been in a relationship for almost 5 years. I am 22 and he's about to turn 23. We have been together since the middle of senior year in high school. We have been through A LOT. We have been in a semi-long distance relationship. We went to different schools but only an hour away from each other. My sophomore year of college i transferred to his school (my little school's main campus) and had such a great year with him. Then i didn't have a roommate and had to move back home and attend my little school again. So for all but 9 months of our relationship has been semi-long distance. Every other weekend type thing. Now he is graduating in 6 months and I will be in 9 months. We both are going to be 5th year seniors. Now, we have had a lot of problems that we have overcome.. Spring of our freshman year we broke up until that September when I transferred to the main campus. That was my fault. I had doubts.. That was the last time. We were still inseperable when we "broke up". It just doesn't seem to work to be apart. Not only am i completely in love with him, he is my very best friend. We were best friends for 2 years before we started dating. We have also had issues with his mother.. she likes to gossip. Enough said about that. We have gotten through ALL those things.. Now, this past January he told me he didn't know if i was the "one". Then he realized a few months later he was stupid (his words) and wanted to get married. We always planned on it the summer after we graduated college. We were planning and making decisions BUT he had yet to propose. Then he tried to talk to his parents about it and 4 days later told me he is not ready. Hmm.. Anyways, he is 3 hours away from me this summer at an internship. Things with us have become so much better. We have become closer, if that's possible, and things have been great. BUT he doesn't know why he's not ready. He says he's been trying to figure it out.. Last night we got into a huge thing about it and i think maybe i know why. He says that he wants to be with me and he wants to marry me and it's going to happen he just doesn't know when. We are planning our lives together (where i go to grad school, and he's going to try to find a job in the same city that im in, in January). He doesn't want to grow up. He's not ready to grow up. He feels that he needs to be on his own for a while. I understand.. he's either lived at home or with roommates at college. He also has so many things changing in the next 6 months. He's graduating, his parents are going to stop paying for things, he's going to be starting his career.. I think that maybe he's just scared.. all the change is huge. So maybe becoming engaged is just too much right now? He feels that he hasn't done things and feels he will lose all his freedom if we get married. He wont take a break or break up because he says he doesn't want to lose me and doesn't want to be without me. So I'm really confused. Do i just wait? Let him grow up a little? I know that women mature a lot faster than men. I also know that getting on his own two feet could be key. I'm just worried to put in the time and then not ever get there. With all the uncertainty this year, I've just become so confused. Is the right thing to wait or give up? I know we are still young and I don't mind waiting if that's the right thing to do.I'm sorry this is so long!!!!
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female
reader, Victoria Aubrey  +, writes (6 August 2009):
 Take it easy and let it go. If you hold on too tight you will lose control. Both of you are still young and have some maturing and growing up to do. Weddings are very expensive and need to be planned because it is the biggest commitment you will ever make in your life. It sounds like you are a solid couple and can make it through anything. I'm 29 and got married too soon and now I'm divorced. My best friend has been with her man for over 10 years and they have 3 kids and never got married and are in total bliss now. I would say knowing someone for at least 10 years and waiting until you have stable income and are at least 30 years-old. That way you won't have any regrets about being young and having fun and focusing on your careers. Definately stay as close as possible. It's proven that seperate intersts and space are crucial in a healthy relationship. However, the more you see and touch a person the more you bond with them no matter who they are. Ignore the Mother she's having a mid-life crisis and will be very criticizing probably for the rest of her life. Never EVER mutter a negative comment about her infront of him...the son will always protect his mother! Let that one go...it's her problem not yours. Do your best to keep the peace with his family at all costs and limit contact with them so they have nothing to be judgy about except that you're not in contact with them much...so what, big deal. Right?
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