A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, a bit of advice is required here please. I met a guy on an online dating app and we've been speaking for about a week. He told me I'm the first person he's been speaking to since his 11 year relationship broke down so I appreciate he is new to this. We are supposed to be going out on Sunday, but there are two problems:The first is he is coming on a little strong. He texts me loads throughout the day asking how I am. And despite the fact I have told him I have a uni deadline for Friday (I'm doing my masters and working full time), he has asked me every night this week if I'm free for a last minute drink. I have to keep telling him that Sunday is the first day I can do.Last night he sent me a photograph of himself in his underwear, totally unprovoked. I told him I'm not looking for hookups and he said he wasn't either, but I'm guessing that was just a line?I'm starting to find myself really turned off and I don't really want to meet him anymore. But how do I tell him? Should I be honest, or just make an excuse? Because I'm thinking some girls may love that he's so keen so maybe he shouldn't change? I find it more likely that he's trying to rush towards the level of closeness he was used to with his long term ex though because he's trying to fill that void, although maybe I'm just cynical!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice everyone! I was straight with him and told him I didn't want to meet up but wished him luck and he seemed really gutted. Then he started sending lots of texts and trying to call me to see if I would change my mind. The final straw was when I got to work yesterday and he'd managed to work out my work email address (despite me never having told him my surname so some googling has been going on) and was again trying to 'make it up' to me! So I think I'm now firmly of the opinion that if something feels off I should trust that. He is now blocked from contacting me on all platforms.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2016): He does sound as if he is getting a bit too keen too soon. You haven't met in person yet but he is sending pictures that suggest a sexual element. It is right that you are wary. I would back off. A few alarm bells are ringing so don't meet him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 January 2016):
 Sounds to me like he wants a hook up, probably uses the same line to all the girls he gets talking to on that app, give them a sob story and hope they meet up with him, sending you a picture of him in his underwear proves he is a sleaze.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (28 January 2016):
 This doesn't sound good. You are an educated person. I don't need me to tell you this isn't right. Put your sensible head back on. To be honest when you ditch him you should also ditch the dating app. Sending you a skin flic is just tacky.
You should be fishing in a pool that is right for you. The dating app can be a cesspit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2016): I'd be honest. If you give hi, an excuse he'll just think that he can call you and that eventually you'll be free. Never count on that people will get the message. It only complicates things.If you like him otherwise (I am not sure how much one can get to really know the person in such a short time and/or via dating sites or apps) maybe you should tell him that you need to take things slowly.I wouldn't be surprised that he is unused to being alone and that he dreads it and that it can be his primal motivation for going that fast.However, picture in his underwear is what bothers me. Maybe there are women out there who would appreciate such a gesture or find it funny, but I don't. For me that would be the end of it. But I am someone who isn't really spontaneous. Maybe he did it on a whim?Anyway, I'd be direct and let him know that I don't want him to contact me again. Well, maybe not that dryly, but that would be my point. Just make sure that he doesn't think that you're playing hard to get and that given time he may have a chance with you.It's better for him as well.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 January 2016):
 He might be rushing for a variety. Here are a few:
1. haven't dated in a long time and really don't know how.
2. wanting to fill the void.
3. wanting to show interest, to make SURE you know he isn't playing games.
4. he doesn't have much to offer so he hopes for you to catch feeling and overlooking those things.
5. he is NOR really looking for something serious, so the faster he can charm the knickers off you the better.
It IS a red flag to me, that you had to DECLINE late night drinks -EVERY night - even AFTER you set the record straight that you couldn't see him till Sunday because of your busy work load. Once would have been OK, but either he didn't listen when you told him NO I can't see you till Sunday or he is one of those guys that think a no means yes if you just keep "hammering" at it. And that is NOT a good thing.
Then the naked underwear selfie... at LEAST he had underwear on! (lol) sorry, I shouldn't laugh, but there is nothing less exciting than uninvited dick-shots. Underwear or no underwear - it was out of line. You have been talking LESS than a week, so in a sense you are total strangers still.
IF you don't want to met him, let him know NOW. I would just be honest.
IF you are still curious, go ahead and tell him that you feel he is rushing it and it's a turn off.
Personally, I can see why you feel he isn't someone you are interested in.
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