A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend, always plays games instead of talking to me, it makes me sad but he always says "oh its jut this one time" he's mean to me a lot too,(I wont go inot details) but im really in love with him and if i even think of leaving i make myself cry and depressed, but sometimes he tells me he loves me and im the happiest person alive, what can I do? I feel so, messed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Well for the meaness in generally just insulting and swearing at me, i hate swearing and he knows it.He's not abusive, he's never hit me, but i'm not very smart, i cant do simple math and he enjoy making fun of it, If i try tell him im upset about us he gets angry at me and refuses to talk to me anymore or tell me to shut the **** up. I try to be understanding that he's a male teenager and needs his time to do his thing, but when we first got together he did nothing but adore me and always want to be in my companny then an upset happened in my family I ended up leaving home and moving with my gran in which time we got very little chance to be with each other then when everything settled and we saw each other often again it was like he's changed. He once said he'd left me he couldnt stand our arguing anymore but 5 minutes later he came back saying he loved me and wanted me. but only the day after he was back to his mean ways, ignoring me shouting at me and getting angry at me for being upset about it. I want him to change but dont know if he will and if he would how would i go about doing that?"It always amazes me how many women are abused either mentally or physically and declare that they can't possibly leave "because I love him!""I dont mean to be rude I'm very thankful for your advice, but have you ever been in this situation? I see the good things and the bad things and maybe the bad outweigh the good but i cant just stop loving him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): It would be helpful if you DID go into the fine detail of how he's mean to you. With half the details you'll only get half an answer on that score.
I suppose it all depends on how long you're willing to be a victim of his abuse, if that's what it is, or if you think there's a chance he might grow up and behave properly when he's with you. He sounds immature to me.
It always amazes me how many women are abused either mentally or physically and declare that they can't possibly leave "because I love him!" How anyone can love an abuser is beyond my comprehension. I'd suggest you try disposing of this idiot and find yourself an older guy who knows how to properly treat a woman.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 July 2008):
Well you can either talk to him about upset he's making you and hope he changes, you can leave and hope he comes after you and changes, or you can stay with him and take his abuse.
Those are your options, you have to pick one.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Hopelessly Hopeful  +, writes (29 July 2008):
If he means it when he says he loves you, you'd know it. Do you? If he DOES mean it, and you love him too, then you have a tough choice to make, but you need to make it soon. Basically, it sounds like youre torn between running TO the guy you see in him, and running FROM the guy you see on the outside. But what a guy is like on the outside is always gonna be ugly...we're guys, after all. We're idiots. Complete morons who act out because we've somehow been declared the rougher of the two genders and we feel we can get away with our idiocy. Draw out the person you love. Dont do it in front of his friends, dont do it over the phone. Meet up with him and explain what you're going through, and how you feel. Get to talking and see if hes mean for a reason, or if he even realizes hes doing it.
If you're in love with him, and you wind up leaving him, it WILL hurt...for a very, veeeeery long time. Believe that. But if you're in a relationship with someone who doesnt care, or who doesnt want you to be happy so much as himself, its better to hurt now, because later on you'll meet someone who will make you even happier and treat you the way you should be treated...like number one. :)
It's all about sincerity. From what I know, I couldnt tell you whether hes sincere in his love for you or not...that's something YOU have to figure out. If its for real, than its worth working out with him and growing your relationship together. If not...than I promise you, though things will get hard all of a sudden, they'll get easier again, and in the long run, you'll be happy you made the choice when you did.
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