A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello...i know you all are going to chew me out...but im still messing with this guy who has a gf...the only thing different is she knows about us now because i told her...hoping this would push him against a wall to make a decision...well it didn't he's still with her...tells me she talks about me all the time and asks questions about me...i told him this may as well be the end since you've made your decision...his response "give me a chance" or "once i stop being cowardly and just do what i know is right" things like this is what he says...i suggested that he just be single and then he wouldn't be playing neither one of us...she is really caught up on the fact that they've been together for so long and she doesn't want to feel as though she's wasted her time...my point is why be with someone that doesn't want to be with you but feels guilty and pitty for you (i didn't say this to her though)...but these are the kind of things he has discussed with me...i hate to see what happens when she discovers he has not left me alone...and i have not left him alone...she's obviously satisfied with the fact that she's so called #1, this is what she continued to pronounce when we were on the phone, and as i told her im not competing...your man pursues me!...so keep him on a leash and maybe you'll stay #1...what's up with this guy? what's on his mind? or is he just being selfish and wants to keep both of us? females you're more than welcome to respond, but im really looking for male input...on what is the long term goal in this whole situation...i just told him last night i dont see the point in our relationship if i cant have you to myself...when i ask him can i have him to myself his response is "he doesn't know" he says he doesn't want to tell me NO, because he would be 100% honest about that answer (mind games or what?)? im 28 he's 40 and i don't see where he's going with this. his gf is 39...on top of everything else...if he's the one who begged and pleaded to stay together, i cant see why he's once again jepordizing his primary relationship with me "the bit on the side". Has anyone ever experienced this before? what was the outcome? is he stringing me along? help me please???!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 48years  +, writes (26 March 2009):
 What he's really thinking is, "I wonder how long I can keep both of them, and why have one when you can have two?" What he says to you, he says to her. What he does with you... you get the idea?
You've already noticed that he sometimes repeats himself, but you attributed it to his age...uh uh, it's because it's hard to keep track of what was said to whom. You are young and delicious to him, and probably to others as well, but the longer you spend thinking about him, the less time you have to meet Mr. Right.
Contrary to what ginseng says, I know that there are men who DON'T waffle about their commitment to you, and would rather subdue their "natural male tendencies to want more" than risk losing someone they esteem and value.
Chalk up this guy as a learning experience, and be glad you got away!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): What are you thinking, If he hasnt left her by now then most likely he wont. Think for a second, What are you to him? I hope not a piece of ass...Sounds like she got the better deal of you two. Hes using you for something; only you know what that is. Just face it you like being the other woman.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe is getting over...and ive been tired of it long before i told her...i've started dating other guys...i believe in time i will be all the way through with him...
thanks all for your time and input...
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (25 March 2009):
 If he didn't want to be with her, then he would have left already. The fact that she is still with him despite knowing about you only means that the same garbage he is spewing to you, he is also repeating to her.
He's a loser. Now he has his cake and is eating it too. The truth is, even if he left her, or if she left him, he would probably dump you shortly after.
Don't expect a happy ending from this guy. Find a new one who won't make you fight to be #1
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): Erm wow.Firstly this relationship was ruined from the begininghe wasnt even single yet you still go after him. it doesnt matter if he "pursues" you. your still giving in to his demandsand the fact that he hasnt left his girfriend should be a clear answer to you that hes only using you for sex.dont take his "i dont know" as a maybe. its a NO he will NOT leave his girlfriend of many years to be with you. im sorry but thats the truth.hes taking advantage of you both. His girlfriend should have left him and so should have you.Just understand that there are plenty of SINGLE guys out there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): The problem many people cannot or refuse to see is that human beings cannot and will never have a 'complete' set of things that can complement or complete their partner(s). The idea that one person is 'made' solely one other person is naivety at best, but not unfounded in today's common society. Though it is an optimistic way of viewing intimate companionship, it is not an accurate measure to say "this is it, therefore it just is".
It's just like friendships. More often than not, you might have one or two best friends, then a few other hang-out friends. For some, you may have a few really close friends, then many other 'regular' friends. For others, they may have a lot of 'regular' friends.
Intimate companionship follows the same suit. The only difference is the mentality of possession. When you want someone, you want that person only for yourself. When that person reciprocates singular action and reaction for you, that is translated as loyalty. Alas, human minds, desires, libidos, personalities, interests and our flexible broad range of tastes can deter us naturally from being singular and reach out to multiple prospects.
In 'normal' English, this basically means human beings by nature, always want more. If their current single partner cannot give them enough of that "want more" factor, then many choose to find more than one partner to try to satisfy that 'necessity'.
Once you understand this concept, you will then get a good idea on how human behavior works. However and ultimately, regardless of what he is trying to do, the choice to leave him or keep going is up to you. Strangers will give you their biased perspectives on your situation, but the unfortunate thing is that our 'advice' will only hit the correct target, if we coincidentally give you the most 'correct-sounding' advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): Firstly,this realtionship is extremely unhelathy, for all. but especiallyfor you two girls. he is a polygamist and is taking full adavantage of both by explaining and making you sympathisize with him.he will keepholding on to both,you have to let him go.if you enjoy being like this, then be my guest.
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