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female
,
*oulmate-searcher
writes: Hi there, I met this guy a few months ago who I thought was separated with his wife and had no kids. He initiated it. But soon he told me the truth that he's not legally separated and that he has a kid. We got along very well, feeling that we are each other's soul mate. By the time he told me the truth, I already fell for him. I hesitated, but I confirmed with him that he's sure he wanted to be with me no matter what the cost is. He and his wife have had problem for the last three years. He didn't want to have kids with her. But his wife did the ultimate betrayal by stopping taking birth control pills without telling him two years ago. Even so, he loves his child very much. He started the divorce progress after we met. Everything went well: We are far away from each other. He'd come visit me sometimes. Our communication was great, he assured me of his love EVERYDAY; We were deeply in love and talked about our future a lot; His wife was stalling but eventually separated from him. Only problem being that his wife is taking the kid and wouldn't return any calls when he wanted to know if the kid is ok, which often drove him crazy. He wanted to have a civil divorce with her but she got a lawyer and filed for divorce. Then here came this nightmare weekend: He told me that his wife offered deal without lawyer and he's going to meet her; He told me that he has me, nothing else matters. After three days waiting without any message from him, I became really worried. Finally I got an email from him. His wife found out about me (there is no way, she must be monitoring his communications using some special means). She's going to apply for him to have only supervised child visitation (he's never abusive, but the law protects women and children so much, god knows this may get approved). He couldn't take it so he made a deal with her that he'll never contact me again. And this is it, all of a sudden, I can't contact him 'cause he will not reply. My heart is broken. This is the guy who promised will never betray me and was worried that he might get hurt because he loved me too much. He did say that it is excruciating for him to make this decision. But I am the one who's really hurt. I give him my heart and am willing to do anything for him. I am still not clear about the whole situation. But can anyone tell me what is going on? Is there any hope that I can get him back? How? I know it is a bad idea to be involved with a guy with family, god forgive me, I am punished already. I thought love conquers all...
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): He is a clever pig...he knew who to pick...predators of any kind know which prey to pick off and he PICKED YOU.
Congratulations, you have won the prize of heartache and loss of worth for years to come should you sacrifice what is remaining of your self esteem, self worth, self love.
YOU DON'T NEED HIM and it is clear he DON'T NEED YOU OR CARE ABOUT YOU.
Forget about him. Sounds hard to do because you are still in love with the misrepresentation of the man he claimed to be.
He isn't that man otherwise he would have been divorced and with you right now.
He is no good.
Get wise, get strong and move on.
*hugs*
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 November 2006):
 He is still lying to you. His wife cannot set the visitation rights, the court does. He will only get supervised visitation if he has ever abused or neglected the child otherwise the courts will be even handed in the matter. If you really want this cheater then tell him to look you up after his divorce. Be prepared for some heartache with this guy, he sure doesn't appear to be worth it to me though. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, soulmate-searcher +, writes (4 November 2006):
soulmate-searcher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey were seperated. It's what he wanted, not her. She doesn't want to end the marriage or she's trying to make more profit out of the divorce. He did tell me that she's stalling. If we Look back at how she tricked to get pregnant, we know that the child has become a powerful tool for her. And this has destroyed his trust to her.
"You don't have to be married to be a good father." That's exactly what he said. I agree that there's more than what he has told me. I feel that I'm in the dark. I have tried to live a busy life, he simply occupies my every thought. What is wrong with me!
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A
female
reader, soulmate-searcher +, writes (4 November 2006):
soulmate-searcher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. I appreciate your time and comforting words. Deep down in my heart, I know both of you are right. But it is so hard to label the man I love so much as a 'bastard'. He's probably a little more sincere than you figured from my original post. He did start the divorce. They were separated because we started watching each other through webcam all night lately. He also found a duplex that he's going to move in. Till now I still believe that he tried hard enough to divorce. It is his child's visitation issue and the fact that his wife found out about me made him feel 'no way out'. His child means the world to him. Is there any way for him to be out? I know you'll say that I'm just being silly. But I love him, I still do. I am trapped.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 November 2006):
He wasn't telling you the truth all along. You have been duped by a married man. Happens all the time, the lying bastards. Pull yourself up by your boot straps and vow never again. Good luck.
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