A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I knew this guy about half a year ago from some classes we've been taking and even right from the beginning he kept trying to ask me out but I kept rejecting him. I eventually went out with him a couple of times and then once we went over to his place when he actually asked me to give him a massage and stay over. Although I was already quite interested in him I thought it was a bit too early on to get physically involved so I rejected his requests. The next day my friends kind of mentioned to him about him dating me and he denied outright that we were dating and that we were just friends. He still asks me to go over to his place but he never asks me to go anywhere else with him anymore. All this while he seems to like my company though (we spend hours everyday on msn even when he's working in the office and when he's abroad) and he seems to care about me more than he does for other people. On the other hand, he also likes to call me nicknames and tease me a lot and sometimes on the verge of insults which really hurts me. I was thinking if he liked me would he hurl such mean insults on me?He also keeps telling me stuff about his past relationships and reports to me every time he's with female company, as if trying to make me jealous.So there was once I tried to test him again by saying if he kept on treating me like that I would misunderstand that he's trying to date me too and he got quite upset and said again we were just friends. I'm really confused now as although he kept saying we were just friends I keep getting vibes that explain otherwise from him. I really don't know what to think of this strange relationship. I thought I was pretty sure he was trying to date me when we first met so do you think things could've changed since then and he's not interested in me anymore other than just as a friend? I'm confused.I know people have told me to just ask outright. But knowing myself, if I get a negative answer from him I'd be too embarrassed in the future I might just destroy this great friendship altogether. We have a very fun and great friendship currently but sometimes I just can't deny that my feelings for him has grown to more than just friends. So may I ask if there's a way to get an honest answer from him and to convey my feelings as well without spoiling our friendship?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): Tell him this, don't tell me.
You have chances and opportunities in life. You make the choices. You can choose to be brave, risk something precious to get something even more precious, or you can stay on the sidelines and watch life pass you by as you screw up your courage to go after what you want. There are no guarantees. Good luck, I wish you well.
PS: Less of the self abuse if you please. You've been brave enough to discuss this problem with a bunch of strangers. Your kind enough to provide us with an update. Your open enough to listen to advice and consider it, and I think your brave enough to do the right thing and go after what you want.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for helping me see things from his point of view. I really hate myself for my lack of courage as well. But one of the reasons I feel like I will get a negative answer from him is cos he keeps saying i'm too young and innocent for him? I just keep picturing the worst case scenario...I feel like such a spineless load of crap.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): Put yourself in his shoes, how would you react if a boy had treated you the way that you treated him.
"From the beginning he kept trying to ask me out but I kept rejecting him.".... "He never asks me to go anywhere else with him anymore"......."Although I was already quite interested in him I thought it was a bit too early on to get physically involved so I rejected his requests."
There's only so much rejection that one person can stand. He likes you, he made it clear when he asked you out, but you kept rejecting him over and over again. So now he's too frightened. He denies being your boyfriend, because your not treating him like a boyfriend. He placed his heart on the line, screwed up his courage and asked you out, not once but twice, and what did you do. You rejected him.
It's obvious this boy likes you. He must do to stay around and put up with all your mind games. If you want him, do what he did, put your pride on the line. Apologise for your past behaviour and explain that after spending so much time with him, your starting to develop stronger feelings.
PS: He insults you because you hurt him and he wants to hurt you back, the other girls is to try to make you interested, to make you jealous.
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