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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been having a relationship with a man for 6 months who has been separated from his wife for 13 months. They have children and have a very good relationship. There is 30 miles between us and we see each other whenever I don't have my children.Everything has been going great in our relationship. We have even been on holiday together.At xmas I went to my parents with my children and he spent xmas with his wife and kids.Although I wished it were me he was spending xmas with I dealt with the situation really well and we spent a lovely day together after xmas, where we exchanged presents, went out for lunch etc.Since then he has been very distant towards me, doesn't talk very much and the bedroom department is non-existent. He stopped texting, and phone calls were very strained as I could here from the tone of his voice that there was a problem.He told me he did not want to discuss his problem. At first I respected this but very soon it ate away at me. I took the courage to call him and suggest we have some space. He totally agreed.It has been a week since the last call then he called me last night to ask if I were ok and that he was worried about me. He has explained to me that he wants to fall head over heals in love with me, but can't and he doesn't know why. He is frustrated because he can't work his feelings out.I am now confused because and wonder if you can help me work out what his real problem is
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. I tried to make my question as straight forward as possible. But I have not told the whole story. My boyfriend left his wife because she did not love him. We met because we had a lot in common, failed marriages, to name but a few. His relationship with his wife is in my opinion not very healthy, he meets for lunch, goes to concerts, attends kids parties with her and soon to go on holiday with her and the kids.
I have dealt with this situation because I feel that this guy is geniuenly great and I wanted to. He is affection, thoughful and caring.
I feel that spending two days (an overnight stay too) with her at xmas has opened his wounds again. That was my reason to give him space. I too was once in this situation and I went back to my husband and it did not work. I think this is the reason why he is being so distant. Can you advise me any more.
I do want our relationship to work, but I am not ready yet to give up
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2006): End this charade with this guy, dear because you deserve better-you should have someone who'll hold you in high regard and love you for all you beauty and strengths. This guy is not responding to you-he likely feels their is no chemistry- so instead of getting all confused and denying what's really happening, just cut him loose. Yes, it will hurt like hell-but the 'realness' and 'awareness' of what's going on here will allow you to learn and walk around with your head on straight and your self-respect intact, instead of a self-imposed trance and a blur of pain. You gave it 6 months-he's not the one for you. Accept that and chalk this up to a learning experience. Don't allow this to devastate you..be strong and persevere. Remember, just because you are not his dream girl does not mean you are not the fantasy of at least 100 other guys. After you heal from this..get out there and live it up. Good luck dear and be strong.
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