A
female
age
36-40,
*isha_1087
writes:Well i wrote about a week ago with the problem i had with my boyfriend not being honest.. well it just got a little more complicated!!I started seeing my boyfriend about a month after he had filed for divorce.. but him and his wife had been seperated for about a year, but they still had sex. This ended when she put a false claim on him that he raped her, she only did it to get full custody of the children and she got it but the da dropped it sense it was bs. They have been fighting in court since December she has stripped him from his kids, lied, stole, everything you can think of to make him look like a idiot in court. They havent talked since Dec, per the court orders. She has to let the kids call every night but she never talks, she just puts it on speaker and listens to there conversation. She made it really hard for both him and the kids..She claims to be this god sent Christian lady, but she lies all the time. I believed him when he told me he would never go back to her no matter what cuz she made him so miserble.. Well last week out of no where she called to talk to him...they talked for 6 hours!! Then he went over there to take her "medicine" i couldn't say much sense it is the mother of his kids. He told me he was going to play the game with her just till he got his kids back.. but it went farther than that cuz they are back to fighting again and she is controlling his life.. i dont think he is playing the game and just making her think that he wants her back i think he does and wants to see if it will work out. He told me that he does not want to loose me and it's my choice if i want to stick by him through this. I have to be ok with him playing his ex wife pretty much. I can understand to an extent, cuz it is his kids he is fighting for. But then again is he just keeping me on the side while he sees if it is going to really work with her??Why would he even want to give it another shot after all she has put him through?what do i do is my question cuz i love this man with all my heart and we were just fine till she decided to call him. im not sure if i should move out and back up now before it gets worse.. i want to trust him that he actually wants us to work and he is just playing the game to get the kids back.. but i can tell its more than that. He told me before that its going to be rough, which i know it will be and i'm ok with it, he is worth it to me, but i never dreamed of all this. One night he came home after talking to her ballllling his eyes out saying he doesn't want to loose me but he thinks there might be a shot for his family...then the next day saying he was wrong cuz she is a liar. It's back and forth with him..What do i do????????
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christian, divorce, ex-wife, his ex, liar, she lies Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, misha_1087 +, writes (8 May 2008):
misha_1087 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you to both those who took the time to answer my question.. i take both answers to heart.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 May 2008):
 You should take a break.
Get away from that situation.
If you are inside, you will not be able to see the problems.
Get out of that place and your mind will be clearer and you will know the answers to your problems.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (8 May 2008):
 In a few words, divorce is hell! And that's speaking from experience. A manipulating ex isn't an unheard of thing at all. Unfortunately, it's even harder with children in the middle of this at Ground Zero.
There's a lot of drama you described here and it doesn't seem unbelievable to me at all. The problem seems to me that you (unfortunately) came in on this story before the bloodshed was done. In a way, you're also standing close to Ground Zero too.
As far as if you believe him... I really think you've answered the question for yourself. You (at least) want to believe him. I think the answer can only be found in your heart. To me, this all seems completely possible that he's "sucking up" to the ex to maintain contact with his children across the battle lines. I think that if you feel that you want to maintain and grow your relationship with him, you're going to have to be ready to ride out the rest of the divorce maelstrom as well.
It also doesn't seem to me that he's keeping you on the side. It seems more to me that he's trying to keep you from being in the line of fire in this war.
Best wishes, but I have the feeling that you are going to stick it out and try to find the inner strength to be there as an investment in a happy future for the both of you.
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